For David Anderson

Filed in Delaware by on March 25, 2009

David Anderson, a staunch defender of his own impenetrable asshole, is afraid that seeing homosexuals living together freely will turn him into a phallus-obsessed man-slut. If a gay-married couple moved in next door to him, Anderson fears he will suddenly be filled with carnal desires that will leave his anus in shambles. He testified today in support of SB 27, feverishly sweating the idea that his marriage will become a bitter sham after thousands of gays start wining and dining him to win his acceptance of their marriage proposal. “Marry me, David Anderson,” he imagines they will say. “I will offer you a gay lifestyle that your wife can never match!” Or maybe he’s afraid his wife will take up golf? Who knows. If Anderson watches this video, it may destroy his marriage forever.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G75tH2wfvQ[/youtube]

OK, I guess I just turned Anderson gay. And possibly communist as well. All in a day’s work.

Commenters, please tell us how gay marriage will make you want to get divorced. Who knew that the only thing holding marriage together these days was an inability to marry a partner of the same gender?

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About the Author ()

X Stryker is also the proprietor of the currently-dormant poll analysis blog Election Inspection.

Comments (28)

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  1. jason330 says:

    He testified today in support of SB 27?

    Oh well, so long last conservative DL commenter.

  2. xstryker says:

    Yeah, it’s in Matthew’s writeup.

  3. jason330 says:

    Okay. That video just turned me gay. Where do I send my registration fee?

  4. xstryker says:

    Another marriage destroyed. The onslaught continues.

  5. a. price says:

    gay communists at that.,…. with a red aretha statue of liberty…. i think this is what Glen Beck sees when he closes his eyes.
    this is very likely the best thing i have ever seen. Barack Obama, your 04 speech, and race speech, and “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for” speech, and nomination acceptance, and election victory speech, and inaugural speech have all been upstaged.

  6. a. price says:

    however, i have decided to marry multiple men after having watched that video. it is clearly my calling…. david….
    will you me mine? i could be a. anderson

  7. nemski says:

    Just the anticipation of SB27 being shot down has me hankering to move to Rehoboth Beach.

  8. Joe M says:

    I can’t tell if I want to be gay now, or if I really want to play Super Mario Sunshine….

  9. a. anderson says:

    so what do you all think? does my new name have a ring to it?

  10. Joe Anderson says:

    Let’s be gay mormons!

  11. a. anderson says:

    HE WAS MINE FIRST! I’LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!

  12. Joe M says:

    Okay, then.

  13. a. anderson says:

    i mean seriously MORMONS? we aren’t Glenn Beck that isn’t what God intended… Sigh ok joe we can share david.

  14. Joe M says:

    No, you keep him, I’ll keep my eyes 🙂

  15. Joe M says:

    PSST… by the way, you got the short end of the stick.

    Pun seriously intended.

  16. a. price says:

    ok if you aren’t gonna help continue to mock David McCutie.. im just gonna go back to girls

  17. xstryker says:

    I can’t tell if I want to be gay now, or if I really want to play Super Mario Sunshine….

    THREAD WINNER!

  18. MJ says:

    Nemski, you can get some pretty good deals on homes within a couple of miles of the beach right now. and the Cape Henlopen school district can always use another voter or two 😉

  19. Rehoboth is even more intolerant of Hungarians. you don’t need another semi-english speaking one of those

  20. Joanne Christian says:

    Are you sure this wasn’t a video from the U.S. Olympic Committee?

  21. pandora says:

    Nobody’s marriage effects my marriage, and for those people so worried about the negative impact of gay marriage on their marriage, well… I’d say that their marriage isn’t as strong as they claim.

    It’s like saying that other religions are a threat to your beliefs. If they are truly a threat then your beliefs are on pretty shaky ground and easily disposed of.

  22. mike g says:

    I *heart* PSB.

  23. Mark H says:

    “please tell us how gay marriage will make you want to get divorced”

    Because when either Daniel Craig or Russell Crowe ask me to marry them, I’ll divorce my wife and do it 🙂

  24. jason330 says:

    Alec Baldwin.

  25. Dorian Gray says:

    Fabio Cannavaro… and my wife wouldn’t even mind…

    DA is a bigot, in my opinion, and I don’t care if that’s ‘ad hominem’ or out-of-line or what! Fuck you.

    Oh, and I’ve seen a picture of that ugly, gnarly creep Anderson. He needn’t worry about any male advances… Acne at 50? How’s that for ad hominem. Fuck you again.

  26. a. price says:

    Harry Connick Jr

  27. Rod says:

    Yes David Anderson needs work physically, mentally and spiritualy. The man is rotting from the inside out and I stick to my guns about what I wrote earlier on the man’s (?) disgusting habits.

    He’s a real sicko, he is!

  28. xstryker says:

    OK, guys, we have plenty of reason to be angry, but considering we won this battle, let’s just tone it down a little. I meant this post in the spirit of jest, and to prove a point: the “protection of marriage” angle is a complete sham, because no one’s marriage could possibly be threatened. Social conservatives aren’t concerned about anyone’s marriage, they’re concerned about homosexuality itself. And that’s my very polite way of describing homophobia. David Anderson isn’t the kind of scumbag who spews hateful epithets and threatens to beat up gays. Like many social conservatives, he chooses to find a less offensive, more acceptable way to express his homophobia – by using “protection of marriage” as a euphemism. But that’s all it is – a euphemism for the fact that he finds homosexuality threatening.

    Homophobia, like racism, is just another form of xenophobia, which is the underlying thread behind all conservative thought. Every single aspect of conservative philosophy is arranged to protect one’s way of life from anything that is different. That’s why, in general, gay conservatives become libertarians, Jewish conservatives become neocons, and black conservatives become theocons. Each focuses on the kind of fear they have in common with straight white Chritians.