My new domestic strategy
From time to time you will learn that I like to share stuff much to private for most bloggers. I am an open book though and for better or worse I put myself out there. I like to use analogies, I like to use personal situations as well as talk about my ex wife. Something clicked with me this morning though and I’m not sure why I haven’t ever thought to use this recently well used strategy.
You see, I’m divorced and married again (different woman thank god) and I have 3 beautiful girls. I do however have just one flaw (Donviti you say, “you have a flaw?”) Yes, yes as hard as it may be to believe, thus thoust do (saw Henry V last night at the DTC incredible acting) If thoust do have one it is thoust speaketh thoust mind more often than a politician lies.
But alas shall thine lips nary pass another perjure that shall render me a liar, a breaker of laws, a failed mate, alas I shall use the “I don’t recall” defense.
Annnnnnnddddddddddddd ACTION!!!!!:
“Donviti?”
“Yes, thy beautiful Mrs?”
“Did thoust not put down the toilet seat.”
“I don’t recall my love, thoust just cannot”
“Donviti?”
“Yes, fair maiden?”
“Did thoust take out day before yonder’s rubbish?”
“Thoust searches ones mind for an answer my hearts desire, but renders nothing but love for thee!”
“Donviti?”
(sighing) “Yes, my wife?”
“Hast thoust scooped up the dropping from the kingdoms steeds?”
“But alas my betrothed, I cannot remember what I have done prior to nights yonder much less after the birds have awakened!”
(screaming) “Donviti!?”
“YES, Woman whose bosom I only dream of these days?!”
“Didst though picketh up thy nector from the Wawa’s bovine?”
“So it was asked of me my glorious prize so it must have been done but alas I have drawn blank like the canvas of Rabo Karabekian!”
(blood curdling hollaring) “DONVITI!!!!?”
sighing with all his might “Yes, thy lands ruler?”
“Did thoust forget to dawn the castles profolactic?”
choking for air “Thus (pausing), Thus (pausing again) this seed cannot recall the last time it was spent much less saw a vesel with which to expel?”
“WIFE?”
“Yes, my king?”
“For all my wonderment I cannot recall, dust though know the answer to this riddle?”
“Thine’s prize does NOT, but perhaps his servants do”
anddddddd cut!
there you have it, The I do not recall defense ala Shakespeare! I like it and I think for the sake of making my second marriage last a while longer, I shall invoke it no less than, say 60 times a day!
thy vesel pray for it!
Don’t you have to do that stuff in iambic pentameter for it to work?
for my strategy to work?
anon,
what the f did you do to the comments?
DV, it’s just “thou,” not “thoust,” as in the following japes:
Pray tell, gentle lady, whither stowest thou thine billing records?
Marry, in truth I cannot say, as I rememb’rest not. Is this a vast right wing conspiracy I see before me?
That which we call Rose Law Firm by any other name would stink as putridly.
or this:
Didst thou stuff thy trews and even thine hose with the sheafs of the National Security Council?
Forsooth, overcome with sloppiness was I, and woudst beg thy mercy in this matter.
Thy fault our law calls death; but the kind Prince, taking thy part, hath rushed aside the law, and turned that black word “death” to “slap on the wrist.”
G,
thou willst not invoke the “Clintonian’s did” strategy in thy’s own kingdom!
finger pointing nary settles a score, for tis only law that will
Wow. All this just in time for Shaespeare’s birthday!!
Well timed.
Methinks we shall see thee next on the Feast of St. Valentines, Donviti?