In honor of Alan Levin, quoted by Celia Cohen (that’s ‘CC’ to her friends), saying:
“They need to have people dealing with the future, and I represent the past….”
We now offer a contest of ExecCorpSpeak phrases that mean absolutely nothing, and achieve less, except to annoy the crap out of anyone with a brain. The first prize is $50 donated to the DelawareLiberal.net advertising fund in your name, or, if you insist, the same amount donated to the Mike Matthews Phone Trust (in a pretend name if you prefer). All subsequent and subordinate prizes consist of a firm but very, very brief handshake accompanied by an empty, insincere smile while saying: “So! How do you feel you’re getting along with our family here?” No eye contact will be made while awarding these secondary prizes.
The contest is for the best, most vapid, meaningless jargon used by corporate executives to deter and confuse thought regarding their actual purpose of making the most money possible while working you the hardest while screwing the shareholders. The best jargon will be judged by me. There is no appeal. The best phrase will be determined by the corporate metrics we prefer in developing our client-focused amenability ratings (“Uh, what?”). Only entries posted below will be considered.
As banker for this contest, I’ll go first: “Maximize our valuable potentialities within the parameters of our esteemed unit goals.”
The contest ends at noon tomorrow. Until announcement of the winner, please reflect on whether or not you want to hear the execrable nonsense Alan Levin obviously spouts coming out of his mouth as Governor.