Zero (zilch, nada) Targets Met = Success!!!

Filed in National by on July 10, 2007

A progress report on Iraq will conclude that the U.S.-backed government in Baghdad has not met any of its targets for political, economic and other reform a U.S. official said Monday.

Why are we still in Iraq? If you are keeping score at home, here are some reason given by our big thinkers.

Al Mascitti: “Leaving Iraq will hurt the plastics industry.” (I shit you not. He holds this view.)

Mike Castle: “The chaos, destruction and mayhem we have created is really an expression of our compasion, goodness and charity to the people of Iraq.” (current pretext as of 7/7/2007)

Wingnut Chris: “Obey the President” (paraphrase)

Dick Cheney: “Go Fuck yourself.” (direct quote)

Ryan S: “We (meaning some other poor schmucks, but not me) have to fight Islam terrorlamist over there – so we don’t have to fight it/them here.” (paraphrase)

Hube: “Liberals want us to leave, so we must stay.” (paraphrase)

If I forgot any reasons currently being given for staying please let me know in the comments.

Thanks!!

About the Author ()

Jason330 is a deep cover double agent working for the GOP. Don't tell anybody.

Comments (10)

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  1. dh says:

    Speaker Pelosi: “If we use the power of the purse to force the President to withdraw the troops then we Democrats will appear to be weak in the war on terror and we’ll lose the moderate vote and we’ll wind up the minority again in 2008. Never mind that those moderates made us the majority in 2006 in hopes that we WOULD force the President to withdraw troops from Iraq.” (paraphrase)

  2. jason330 says:

    Here is the most recent direct quote I could find for the Speaker:

    “July will be a month of action in Congress to end the war, including a vote to redeploy our troops by next spring.”

    However, you have captured the “wisdom” of many Democratic “strategists” and “consultants” ( or maybe even Hilary Clinton) with your paraphrase.

  3. Ryan S. says:

    “July will be a month of action in Congress to end the war, including a vote to redeploy our troops by next spring.”

    Will that actually be a binding resolution for once? Or another gutless, shallow, political move?

    And my actual position for staying in Iraq is much closer to: “It’s our mess, and it’s our job to clean it up.”

    How’s the Afghan summer treating you?

  4. jason330 says:

    “It’s our mess, and it’s our (meaning some other poor schmuck’s and not my) job to clean it up.”

  5. Hube says:

    Dude: get a fucking grip. That’s not even close to what I believe. I’ll keep this in mind when I write some future posts, OK?

  6. jason330 says:

    So what is your pretext for staying?

  7. Ryan S. says:

    Jason,

    How’s the Afghan summer treating you?

  8. Von Cracker says:

    Afghan summers are sure good for the poppies!

    Now go chase that dragon!

    Hummm, which reminds me…the conservatives/rethugs inability to face reality is summed-up quite nicely in this classic clip…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTQfGd3G6dg&NR=1

    Not knowing or recognizing when one is wrong (or beaten) is even sadder than the fact itself.

  9. Chris says:

    “Afghan summers are sure good for the poppies!”

    Thanks for enlightening me Cracker. I see it now! We are in Afghanistan and the bidding of BIG PHARMA. Wow…how could I have missed that.

  10. Von Cracker says:

    It’s just a nice juxtaposition to our pious War on (some) Drugs, don’t ya think?