The First Law of Cartoon Physics

Good morning class. Today we are going to talk about physics of Iraq. Let’s begin at the begining…

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. E.g. – Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Have you noticed how, if not for all the death destruction and misery, our glorious adventure in Iraq fits neatly into the dramatic arc of a Warner Brothers Roadrunner cartoon?

Scene One:

Determined to get the Roadrunner (e.g. The TERROR!) once and for all – Wile E. Coyote played by the USA with the leadership brain power of George Bush and Dick Cheney get some “sure fire” plans (PNAC)from ACME (played by Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz).

Please note how much we resemble the Coyote right down right down to our “over the top” (to the point of comical) egotistical bearing (e.g. “bring it on!” bravado, assorted Toby Keith songs) and big ears.

Scene Two:

The plans for the “ACME Sure Fire TERROR Eliminator” are rolled out and the Coyote builds a contraption (proudly undermanned and underplanned occupation to be staffed by Heritage Fondation Interns) while the Roadrunner (the TERROR) looks on quizzically.

Scene Three:

Wyle E. Coyote (the USA) launches himself without any thought about what will happen next toward the Roadrunner. With perfect confidence in the efficacy of the “ACME Sure Fire TERROR Eliminator”, Wyle E. Coyote draws up next to the Roadrunner in an imposing clamor and cloud of dust (Shock and Awe!).

Scene Four:

The Roadrunner slows to a stop. The Coyote, confident of his victory grins smugly (Mission Accomplished Photo Op). As the dust settles the Roadrunner is shown to be standing on an outcropping of rock, while the Coyote is standing on thin air.

The Coyote is suspended by his belief that he is standing on land. As long as WE (the Coyote) don’t look down (The Patreaus Report) he/we will not have to hold a sign that reads “Yipes!”