From: most of the citizens of Delaware
To: Dr. Joycelyn Elders
Dear Dr. Elders;
We, on behalf of the State of Delaware, wish to apologize for your recent exposure to one of our more outspoken fruitcakes, Christine O’Donnell.
As you probably know based on your familiarity with medical statistics, approximately half of any group composed of two or more people are rectums. Sometimes, some of this 50% can be reasonable, however, as in the case of Christine, she appears to have achieved a state somewhat akin to, yet diametrically opposed to, the state of ‘Buddhahood’, wherein instead of her consciousness joining nirvana, it appears to have joined her rectum.
There are several theories as to why Christine has achieved this opposite of enlightenment. One is based on her claim to be the State Official 40 Year-Old Virgin. Perhaps she makes this claim based on earlier confusion about orifices (orifii?) normally used for procreative sex. While she may have discovered that the orifice she was instructed to use allows her to still claim maidenhood, if this indeed happened it would explain her attitude toward pretty much everyone, i.e., she has decided to attempt same on all who have contact with her.
Nonetheless, we find her colorful and good for at least ten minutes per year of ludicrous entertainment. We hope you will view your recent episode with our State Rectum, aka “DE-REC”, with the same amusement we do.
Abashedly yours,
Most of Delaware