Cohenology 101: The Wet Sloppy Kiss

Remember, class, how I broke down Celia Cohen’s Mike Castle writings into for categories with the third being the wet sloppy kiss?

I said that the wet sloppy kisses, “extol Castle’s greatness in no uncertain terms. They tend to deal with some specific pork or accomplishment (even when the “accomplishment is not really an accomplishment. e.g. Stem Cells, Walking 50 feet) but they also remind everyone of the 70% victories and congratulate Castle for being such a great “bi-partisan” and a “class act.””

Well today Celia produced a fine example for us to study. In fact, it is a textbook “wet sloppy kiss.”

You might need eye protection, but you don’t need a level 5 biohazard suit, because the wet kiss does not have the slurping and the sucking, the kneading of the balls, or the wanton spraying of bodily fluids that is associated with thew next level; the outright blowjob.

Here we go…

Nearly a year ago, U.S. Rep. Michael N. Castle was chugging toward re-election, a Republican going for his eighth term, when he woke up so woozy that his wife Jane called 911.

It was Saturday, Sept. 23. The telephone call from the couple’s summer home in Dewey Beach set off a daylong medical drill that took Castle first to Beebe Medical Center in Lewes and then by helicopter to Christiana Hospital in Stanton to treat him for a mini-stroke.

“daylong” “mini-stroke” “woozy” Just a little dizziness… right? Wrong. There was a deliberate attempt to mislead the public at the time of the stroke and Celia is harkening back to those original reports – not the genuine reports of ventilators and unconsciousness that the Castle camp was later forced to admit were accurate. You can tell right in the first sentence that this is going to be a doozy. The “accomplishment” she is going to be praising is Castle’s ability to walk and talk. Goodie!!

After an energetic two-and-a-half decades in statewide office as a lieutenant governor, governor and Delaware’s lone congressman, Castle shockingly was sidelined.

The shocking part is that Celia did not work in the phrase “customary 70%”. She must have been rushing this draft to the Dover Post. It is rare for her to slip up like that.

His doctors said (the stroke) was the result of a common congenital heart defect called PFO, or patent foramen ovale, when a part of the heart fails to close after birth. The condition does not cause strokes but can be an incubator for them. It can be corrected in outpatient surgery, but Castle has had conflicting advice on whether he should have it and still has not decided one way or the other.

Whoa Nelly! His doctor? Surgery? Still sick? Can be corrected? Celia did some actual journalism here for a second because (and this might shock you) she still considers herself a journalist. (I know, how eff’ed up is that?) Anyway even in this puff piece about what a healthy ox Castle is a shred of truth worked its way in. She’ll have to make up for that in the next two or three sentences.

In addition to the wobble in Castle’s health, the 2006 election season left a hitch in his polling numbers. From his customary 70 percent of the vote or thereabouts, Castle was held to 57 percent by Dennis Spivack,

There it is, the 70%. The classic hallmark of the wet sloppy kiss. And, now she is going to slip him the tongue.

Castle also continues to cultivate the political turf that has won him approval at home — independent from the Republican White House, centrist in outlook, bipartisan in approach.

More myth than truth to that, but let’s see where she is going with it.

He was at it with gusto Thursday as he gave a speech on Iraq to about 100 members of the Wilmington Rotary Club, meeting at the Hotel due Pont on Rodney Square, and chided both the Bush administration for its short-sightedness and the Congress for its partisanship.

See? He is 10,000 feet tall. His bi=partisanship is like a lasar beam that shoots out of his eyes mowing down his enemies. And what a class act? Castle can rag on Congress AND chide the Bush Administration. Man I hope that Bush does not get too mad because of the wicked chiding Castle gave him…

…at the Rotary club..

…in Wilmington.

Are you enjoying this kiss? Aren’t you glad your Congressman is on the job CHIDING the stupidest most worthless fuck of a President we ever had? I am! Chiding is way worse than “joshing with.” When a Mike Castle chides you – believe me, you stay chided.

“I have long disagreed with the way this administration has misjudged the crucial diplomatic aspect of this conflict,” he said.

“Politics as usual cannot stand as Congress’ Iraq strategy any longer,” he also said.

Now, you and I know that this is utter bullshit. Castle voting record does not offer Castle the luxury of claiming that he disagrees with the President – but for Celia, what Castle says is 1,000 times more important that what he does. His voice is like a choir of angels singing. Just listen to him chide…? Ah…. it is like morphine. Celia is drifting on a cloud and Castle is strumming a little harp and chiding the President in iambic-fucking-pentameter.

Now stand back, this last part drifts into “outright blowjob” territory.

About two weeks ago, Rodney Square was the site of an outdoor anti-war rally targeting Castle, and there could not have been more of a contrast between the protesters’ treatment of him outside and the Rotarians’ inside — to such a degree that one club member said he wished Castle was running for president.

Castle could not laugh it off fast enough. “That’s something I have no interest in,” he said

Castle will leave that to Joe Biden and take his health and the House.

I warned you.