Reason 2,023 To only envy my good looks
So at the drinking liberally Dorian Gray made a pretty accurate statement that didn’t need much parsing. He said that he feels I do this because it is cathartic. It’s funny but I never thought that word specifically, but I guess he is right (for a change) but I also do this for another reason.
I share these emails with you because I think there are a lot of people out there that don’t believe it when fathers say that their ex-wives are vindictive, mean, shit-bags that would love nothing more than their children to feel the same way about thier father that they feel about their ex husbands. It is shameful, disgusting and immature beyond belief. The pain and confusion kids experience is regrettable. But, it goes on I’m sure to a worse degree than this does.
It is a sad state of affairs that it occurs at all, but I truly hope that the next time you listen to a divorced man say he believes that his ex wife would through his kid in front of a bus to get back at him you will believe him. you just remember Hotviti’s ex-wife and believe him
—–Original Message—–
From: Mrs. Hotviti
To: Ex-wife L.; Ex-wife
Subject: Questions
Dear Ex-wife,
Hotviti and I are concerned that you have not been receiving our phone messages as we have
never heard back from you on any of the things we called about. These are just a few things we were asking about:
1.) Daughter #3:
Hotviti left a message last night (about 6:00pm) asking for a phone call back if you were willing to pay for 1/2 the trip as the reservation needed to be in that night. Unfortunately, we did not hear back from you and we will not be paying for the entire trip as it costs 95.00, so Daughter #3 will not be attending this trip with her school on 12/6/07.
Hotviti left a message on Wednesday 10/16/07 letting you know that we were not able to get Daughter #3 ballet shoes b/c she informed us on Monday evening about 5:15pm that she needed them for Tuesday. He also asked that you contact us in the future if you were not able to get something for the girls. Unfortunately, Daughter #3 again had to inform us that she did not have her required shoes for her dance class and needed them bought for her. We will be purchasing her ballet shoes this weekend. Daughter #3 does require other materials for her dance class, since we have provided her with 2 leotards, jazz tights, and now ballet shoes it will be your responsibility to purchase the other materials for her (jazz shoes/tights)
2.) Daughter #2:
Thank you for purchasing a dress for her for homecoming, but again we ask that you please inform us of anything you are not able to purchase for her ie: shoes for homecoming and money for a ticket, so daughter#2 does not have to give us the messages.
3.) Daughter #1:
It is our understanding that Daughter #1 is attending homecoming this weekend at a High School. Even though Daughter #1 is currently not visiting with us Hotviti is still her father and wishes to be informed of ANY events such as homecoming by you and not by Daughter #3 or Daughter #2.
3.) Holidays:
The holidays are fast approaching and Donviti and I wanted to hammer down a formal schedule. Your regular visit with the girls falls on Thanksgiving and ours on Christmas. For Thanksgiving if you wish we can pick them up from where ever you are (your house, your mother’s house, boyfriend’s mother’s house, etc) late afternoon (around 3:00/4:00pm) and they can just stay with us over night and start their weekly visit with us on Thursday instead of Friday and then for Christmas since it is our year to have them sleep over you can pick them up from Nana viti’s house around 12:00/1:00pm Christmas Day and have them stay over night and we can pick them up the next day. Also, will Daughter #1 be spending any time with us during these holidays? Let me know as well as if you had any other ideas for scheduling for the holidays.
Thank you,
Mrs. Hotviti
—– Original Message —-
From: Ex-wife
To: Mrs. Hotviti
Subject: RE: Questions
We will document this as request #2 to cease e-mailing me. And you are well aware, as is Hotviti, that I have not responded to your messages because there is nothing to respond to. This is merely another attempt at you trying to create conflict where completely unnecessary. I will only make so many requests before escalating this, Mrs. Donviti.
The reason you did not hear back from me is because his message clearly stated he needed a response that night. As I did not receive the message until very late, I did not respond. And of course you two will not be paying for the trip, silly girl! Why would we think otherwise? You two must focus on your wine budget for the upcoming holiday season so the pretentious act can continue; hosting many social gatherings in an attempt to appear like the North Wilmington Socialites that you so clearly ARE NOT!
And if you must know, I will not be paying for a New York trip for Daughter #3 with her school because I am planning a surprise NY trip for her birthday. So do me a favor and try keeping that quiet.
Daughter #1 has no desire to contact her father at present, and will make any decisions regarding their relationship on her own. Kudos on one father/daughter relationship destroyed, Mrs. Hotviti.
Don’t you dare thank me for buying my own daughter a dress. They’ve all learned by now who to go to if they need anything.
You can pick daughter#2 & daughter#3 up from my home at 4 on Thanksgiving, and I will pick them up from Nana Viti’s at noon on Christmas. I have no idea what Daughter #1’s intentions are.
—–Original Message—–
From: Mrs. Hotviti
To: Ex-wife L.
Subject: Re: Questions
Dear Ex-wife,
Daughter #3: That is fine that you wish to not pay 1/2 for the New York trip for her school. We emailed because we had heard nothing from you in regards to any of the messages we had left for you about a variety of things. We can now give Daughter #3 a final answer that she will not be going with her school.
Daughter #1: We were asking that you advise us of things that are happening with her (school, events, issues, etc) and did not ask anything about their relationship. Hotviti does have a right to know what is happening in his daughter’s life despite her not visiting us at this time. And please let us know if she will be visiting us during the holidays so our families can plan accordingly.
Holidays: Thanksgiving-we will be picking up the girls @ 4:00 from your house. I’m assuming they will start their visit with us then? And Christmas you will pick them up from Hotviti’s mother’s house @ 12:00pm. Will we be picking them up that night or the next day? Please let me know either by email or by phone message. Thank you
—– Original Message —-
From: Ex-wife
To: Mrs. Hotviti
Subject: RE: Questions
Thanksgiving-You may pick them up @ 4 to begin their weekend visit
Christmas-I will pick them up from Nana Viti’s @ 12 & you can pick them back up the following morning
Daughter #1-SHAME ON YOU. Just come out & say “if they should buy her gifts”, you sorry excuse for a human being.
You and Hotviti are PERFECT for each other. You both make me SICK.
From: Mrs. Donviti
To: Ex-wife
Subject: Re: Questions
Ex-wife,
Thank you for the clarification about the holiday schedule. And funny by the way about the gifts that hadn’t even crossed my mind. It would be nice to let our families know (and we would like to know) if she will be joining us for the holidays (ie: for dinners, going to church, going out of town,etc), so please let us know sooner than later. Thank you.
Mrs. Donviti
Tags: Donviti
What a nightmare. …for all parties.
Everyone is plugged into a “Pain and Hate” machine that has a dial that only turns in one direction – towards more pain and hate.
Divorce is toughest on the little guys. I feel for you don, and especially for the kids. My jealousy of your hotness masquerading as levity is forgotten in light of this crap you and the kids are going through.
(the jealousy thing kicked in when you mentioned Deer Park. Back in the day, we’d go there on Saturday night with about $7.36, nursing beers in the hope that we’d hook up before the money ran out, then frickin’ George Thorogood would waltz in with his snakeskin belt and matching custom cowboy boots and that was the end of the women for us for the night; now you know why I don’t go to drinking liberally to chat up some hottie who keeps saying ‘un hunh’ to everything said while her eyes are glued on the hotness that is don; I just can’t face the rejection again)
I ignored your last post on the saga known as ‘The Daughters of Donviti’.
(1. Comments predecated on:If kids are graduating from high school…can’t they be responsible for ‘hooking up’ (via phone or email) with you for a need and/or a visit???? In other words, keep the ex out of your relationship(s) w/kids.
(2. On the ‘resistant one’ just keep her in the loop thru the other girls. If she shows up unannounced for dinner, etc. big deal–how much does she eat???? In other words, keep the ex out of your relationshi(s) with w/kids.
(3. Tell the kids of your new ‘It’s on you’ policy. Inform them of your limits: no late nite ‘needs’ that can not be fulfulled, etc. Thereby, keeping the ex out of your relationship(s) w/kids.
(4. If you communicate by email w/ex and she is as vile and uncooprative as she appears…save copies for a trip to Family Court w/o letting her know what is the game plan…let her get a letter in the mail from FC.
(5. Get in the habit of giving the girls ‘gift cards’ or cash as birthday/holiday presents. Gift cards give them more control on ‘spending’ your gift. Cash can be ‘borrowed’. Teens are almost never pleased w/ the gifts are picked out for them anyhow.
(6. Do everything you are able not to communicate w/ex directly, send nor accept messages via kids, stop thinking about what a conniving _itch she is and what you’d like to do to her. Remember: ‘Vengence is Mine sayeth the Lord’ and Let go and let God (I’m not a Jesus freak..don’t even go to church let along belong to one). If you can’t dump it in a god’s lap remember the words from the street ‘What goes around comes around’…don’t be sooo anxious ‘the Lord works in mysterious ways’. These words of wisdom may sound trite to you but I believe in Yin & Yang: for every negative you shoot out one will come looking for you. Just withdraw from the battle. If the kids are teens it won’t be long before they are making up their own minds.
I, too, am divorced and my kids lived w/their dad. My daughter refused to see me (she was so angry)…I know your heartache but you must be stong…we couldn’t be closer now that she is married and has a child of her own…that puts a whole new light on how to treat your parents.
Free yourself and enjoy the holidays!!!!
dis,
I here ya but trust me I look but don’t touch (too much) 🙂
anon II,
Now we know you are a woman I will disregard your advice hah!.
It’s hard to look away from a trainwreck isn’t it? 🙂
bjut seriously thanks for taking the time to comment.
to comment #1: 2 kids are in highschool but one wont talk to me and her mother LOVES it. I am kept in the dark at every turn on purpose. It hurts a great deal.
to your point about dealing through the children. That is really tough because that puts the kids in the middle. The goings on with the ex are meant to be only of a financial nature, school and visitation. That is the stuff the kids should not be kept in the loop with.
It turns into “MOM, said you would buy me this”
which she does constantly. It is wrong.
Also when communicating through the children to get to the other children it then puts them in the middle of our spat, which isn’t fair to them and forces them to take sides.
trust me we are saving the emails. But everyone tells you to do this and THE SEVERAL TIMES I have taken the ex to court for being a dead beat they don’t give a shit about them
we are up to about 500 over the course of several years.
comment #5: it is a valid point but we don’t mind cash too much. You can’t put half of a gift card into a savings account 🙂 I have them saving/budgeting for a car. Daughter #2 is raking it in, but the youngest 11 y/o hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it.
In the end we try to by them gifts of what the request.
comment 6: I believe in Karma…yes, she will get hers and she repeatedly attacks my lifestyle. One she doesn’t come close to enjoying I might add.
and to your comment about your own child My heart goes out to you. Nothing like feeling as though your child doesn’t love you after you served your country, stayed married longer than you should have and woke up at 2 in the moring to changer her diapers and feed her :(.
thanks for sharing and reading..
you to enjoy the holidays.
You may be interested in A child of divorce.
That’s what rips your heart out of your chest. Its not alienation and spite from the former spouse, its the effects on the kids.
i think what is most surprising is how low the other person will go.
By the way, if you need a chaperon for your daughter’s homecoming, I’m willing to attend with my NRA baseball cap and ‘Deliverance’ false teeth.
you sound like my ex-wifes type then
Wow! What a C U Next Tuesday!
If she is hot;
If she truly is your ex;
If she has the moral values of a Sussex Country Republican leader;
then I just might be her type