Training for the War on Christmas
I have been training with my fellow warriors for the past few weeks, crawling under garland barriers, avoiding mistletoe, and lots of reindeer games. I think we are just about ready for our first incursion on Christmas, building up to our assault on SHQ (Santa’s Headquarters) on the 23rd. My only fear is that the man-made snow that we are training on may not be a reasonable facsimile of the snow that we encounter near SHQ. Plus, we have added a swim section to our training regimen, since the north pole is thawing.
Ahhh! I love this time of the year.
Tags: Holidays
Who won the contest for naming your operation of enduring glory that will put your name in history with the other great dictators such as Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, and G. Bush?
Good question. I have been torn. I prefer Operation Winter Festival. But Jason prefers ODCYWOCFALATSLYUF.
Ha! I forgot to edit it….
I’m going to look so hot in my gear!
picture tom cruies MI3, but taller and more muscular!
Can I waterboard santa…please?
I want to waterboard Santa’s elves — Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.
If we cannot find Santa, we will waterboard the elves until they tell us where he is.
This weekend a team will patrol for state-funded nativity scenes.
The enemy will defend its perimeter with relentless barrages of “Little Drummer Boy.”
We must be strong, and continue with the primary mission: to plant a large, gaudy menorah on the lawn of the Indian River School Board.
What I like about this war on Christmas is that it will pay for itself and nobody will really have to sacrifice anything. Christmas, once liberated, will probably be our best buddy and help us liberate St Patricks Day.
“…primary mission: to plant a large, gaudy menorah on the lawn of the Indian River School Board.”
Menorah? What, you have a problem with 8 foot multicolored Kwaanza candles? Hater! Hater!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YUZGBGB1UU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-_VsYo3RYM
Private Brian, Thanks for those clips. The war on Christmas will be won by the small selfless, sacrificers like yourself.
– Gen. Confusion