Guest Post By Senator Tom Carper
Dear Fuckface,
I told you to stop calling me an a-hole, didn’t I? I’m a United State Senator you ass-wipe. You better respect my ass or you are going to be in a world of hurt.
And I don’t mean you are going to find sugar in your gas tank. You have no idea how much power I have. I will turn your sorry world upside down. Web-sites you’ve visited, people you’ve called, I know it all dude. ALL OF IT. Let that shit sink in for a second. Keep calling me “a-hole” and that knock on your door will be the IRS to turn your “a-hole” into the Lehigh Valley tunnel.
I shit you not.
Tom
Tags: Satire, Tom Carper
Do you see what happens, Jason? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass? This is what happens, Jason!
I saw that movie on TBS and always thought the line was “Do you see what happens when you take a stranger to France?”
Fair? You care about fairness now. You’re supposed to be nihilists you fucking cry-babies!
New Republican Party motto:
Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it’s an ethos.
The best thing is that if you google for “tom carper guest” his guest posts here come up in the fifth spot. I just wish it was #1 for googling “Tom Carper.”
It’s funny the things that make geeks happy.
Also, Jason, “a-hole” is not the preferred nomenclature. U.S. Senator from Delaware, please.
Dear miniLuv Group of Democriminals,
You must join the war effort philosophy of the glorious conservative cultural revolution and must not make fun of our world leaders. You enemy combatant democriminals will get what you deserve- in our glorious leader Mukasey’s enhanced re-education chambers- soon enough. Please wish our Hero great success in further destroying the network of evil islamofasimuguts and offering us doublegoodtruthspeak. It is wrong to offend the glorious world leaders when their words make us swoon with passionate love.
Do not forget that tonight is soma night for all of you. Keep up the good work glorious world leaders, do not let these democraiminals get you down, we can inter them soon enough. We will submit your work to our central party oragns! It is great knowing that we are real organs of the democriminal party- the greatest party that has ever existed ever and will last for a thousand years!
Thanks again for setting the record straight Hero.
It is wrong to offend the glorious world leaders when their words make us swoon with passionate love.
Publis tipped her hand. She is Celia Cohen.
We can harvest your party organs in Delaware now. Drive carefully.
Oh Please harvest the party organs. Harvest, Harvest….Harvest…yes it is as glorious as I imagined.
Ahhhh….Soma!
Also known in conservative circles as Fox News or the Mega-dildos, excellence in Dominican pre-pubescence…Comedian Rush Limbaugh….
Glorious Hero Rush “Dildoman” Limbaugh is no doubleungood thoughtcrime pre-verted Democriminal! I am however glad to know that you traitors watch the party’s Faux News station. On that glorious station you can watch real heroes show you what happens to all thoughtcrime democriminals. See by watching Faux, Von, you are on your way to becoming a hero of the glorious conservative cultural revolution. Keep up the good work.
By your command…pube.
Now memorize this from our Leader Von…A Party member lives from birth to death under the eye of the Thought Police. Even when he is alone he can never be sure that he is alone. Wherever he may be, asleep or awake, working or resting, in his bath or in bed, he can be inspected without warning and without knowing that he is being inspected. Nothing that he does is indifferent. His friendships, his relaxations, his behaviour towards his wife and children, the expression of his face when he is alone, the words he mutters in sleep, even the characteristic movements of his body, are all jealously scrutinized. Not only any actual misdemeanour, but any eccentricity, however small, any change of habits, any nervous mannerism that could possibly be the symptom of an inner struggle, is certain to be detected. He has no freedom of choice in any direction whatever. On the other hand his actions are not regulated by law or by any clearly formulated code of behaviour. In Oceania there is no law. Thoughts and actions which, when detected, mean certain death are not formally forbidden, and the endless purges, arrests, tortures, imprisonments, and vaporizations are not inflicted as punishment for crimes which have actually been committed, but are merely the wiping-out of persons who might perhaps commit a crime at some time in the future. A Party member is required to have not only the right opinions, but the right instincts. Many of the beliefs and attitudes demanded of him are never plainly stated, and could not be stated without laying bare the contradictions inherent in Ingsoc. If he is a person naturally orthodox (in Newspeak a goodthinker), he will in all circumstances know, without taking thought, what is the true belief or the desirable emotion. But in any case an elaborate mental training, undergone in childhood and grouping itself round the Newspeak words crimestop, blackwhite, and doublethink, makes him unwilling and unable to think too deeply on any subject whatever.