I don’t care what people say…
There I was all decked out in my mesh shirt, nipples exposed, soft leather hat and chaffs showing off my well sculpted backside last month at the store. I was staring at myself in the mirror and was thinking, there is no way, NO WAY I’m not going to win best dressed male in Soho, Queens and Rittenhouse Square. They call it Thuper Thaturday in my circles. I was so confident. I had been doing this new workout call P69x. Man, I’m not kidding when I say, I was ripped up a month before this contest. My hips looked awesome.
It was incredible the press I was getting. People were all over me. I had changed up my outfit here and there so as not to look like I was dressed the same at each appearance. I had changed up the black mesh shirt to Yellow a few times. It’s winter and yellow brings out my eyes. Then a few times I wore that spiked choker people like. I was all sexed up for Thuper Thaturday and about a week out I hear about this bougie motherfucker taking out my voters. Those boys are so predictable, a tight jeaned, banana republic model shows up and they start drooling. I don’t get it. I have what people want. I have been on top forever. I’m a giver not a taker, like this other boy people are sweating.
Well not to be out done, I simply flicked my wrist and said, “whatever, there will be Trolley Square, Buckhead and San Fran next week. I don’t care if I win in Soho, that is sooooo yesterday. Buckhead is where I really bring out my full package. I had been catching grief because my girlfriend was talking stuff and being all crazy. She was saying that the competition was a Fairy and that the paparazzi were only taking pictures of his good side. Well that is Not the way I want my bitch to act so I whipped her into shape and pulled her off the runway for a few months.
So all should be fine but then….wouldn’t you know it that bastard shows up in Buckhead right as I’m getting ready to go there! What E-Ver! So ridiculous I don’t even want to get into it. I felt like crying, and I practically did ON CAMERA! I held it together though barely. I think it was the Yellow that makes me so emotional. I was like, this is nuts. I’m working so hard. I deserve this! People were telling me I was going to win. Christ, I HAD it all wrapped up back in December. Then this, this (don’t even make me say his name!) this Sailor comes along and R-U-I-N-S it for me! I hate him. He hasn’t werked as hard as I have. He doesn’t have the experience I have dealing with the venom that the paparazzi and tabloids spew. I DO. I can deal with them on DAY one after I wear my crown! He won’t even know how to carry the freaking roses and wave at the same time until day 7 at the earliest. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make sure your Sash stays pressed and attached to your shoulder? It’s hard!
Sigh, So I’m making my statement now to all you fag hag’s voting for Mr. Sugar-in-the-tank. I don’t care about all those other places the real prom is in Austin, Cleveland (I love thier steamers) and Pittsburgh! None of those losses in those other drama cities mean anything to me. I have the press right in my hands everywhere I go. I let them see what I want them to see. I make them ride in a seperate buss. They eat up everything I put in their mouth.
Cya bitches….I’m winning the next one, this other crap tonight is so yesterday!
LOL.
Funny. You know waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more about that scene than most straight men, Hell even Gay Men, I know.
I read this last night and It cracked me up. You have to be 150% hetero DV.
thuper! thanks it means stho much to me these kind words
cajun,
i know my way around some seamen.
jason,
75% the 25% makes me a sthuper lover
So what do you think is the over/under on Hillary; X vs. Y chromosome-wise? (Hope Mat’s mom doesn’t read this)
DV can you get me backstage at the Elton John concert?
anon,
abtholutely! I miss liberacci 🙁
Rock Hudson?
not so much.
LOL
Next time, you should satirize her as one of those spics or niggers or a greasy wop! They’re not as funny as the fags, but they got it coming, too!
Asshole.
Oh I saw that coming.
I thought that DV was showing some love to the gay community in an odd way because of his vast (perhaps even inside) knowledge.
I guess you didn’t take it that way Joe?
Hardly. Imagine if don decided to use the most denigrating caricatures of my examples:
– Crackheads, gangs, pimps, violence
-30 people in one house, illegal immigrants, “beaners”, yard workers
– the mob, z. cavariccis, spousal abuse
How fucking funny would that have been? Honestly.
Our humble host wrote:
You dress like that — or even fantasize about dressing like that — and you have a girlfriend? 🙂
Dear Lord,
I Am Sorry for those that I have offended. Sometimes, my mind gets the best of me and I make fun of the negative stereotypes perpertrated by the media and those that are ignorant of the good qualities in all people. I know you created all men and women equal.
Even though I don’t have breasts and a vagina, don’t get a period and am not as sensitive as a 40 year old woman going through menopause I like to think that I know a joke when I see one.
It is possible dear baby Jesus in your golden diaper, looking all cute and cudly in your manger that I have offended people that were created in your image and for that I wish too apologize.
I know not what I do dear lord.
your friend in Jesus,
Donviti,
PS Go fuck yourself Joe
PSS Grrrrrrrrr
Amen
Now that’s what I call Contrition!
and you forgot to thank baby jeebus for the delicious Taco Bell…..
“It was only a joke”
I can’t recall how many times I heard that phrase coming from some bully on the schoolground who got caught after reducing another kid to tears.
It’s a pretty thin excuse, especially when it’s your only defense.
Also, you were making fun of Hillary Clinton while using a gay stereotype. There is a subtle line of difference there. Using the stereotype to make fun a person is perpetration of the stereotype. Also, on a webpage that gets hundreds, if not a thousand or two, hits per day, you are a member of the media perpetrating the stereotype.
I know you’re pretty much the clown of the DL group, don, but the success of this site gives you a bit of responsibility in at the very least taking a moment to consider what you post.
Sing with me in the ebony and ivory tune Joey,
you are black and I am white
I could cares less if you think you are right
I don’t give a fuck if I offend you b/c u are uptight
i write what I want b/c I have an EGO, ERGO I DON’T CAREeeeeeeeeee
soooooo Side by side with my keyboard
I hope to offend MO-RO-HONS like uuuuuuu
Joe,
I am friends with a number of gay men who would laugh at this. Obviously there are a number of movies that use stereotypes for comedic effect. Take Coming to America, chock full of black stereotypes, inside jokes, and exaggeration. Not only was it written, produced and directed by black people, but was quite popular with black audiences.
I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m wondering if you are offended by the jokes, the joketeller, the underlying parable or the target of the parable? If a gay man had written this, would you be as offended?
I am 25% gay damnit!
LG wrote If a gay man had written this, would you be as offended?
But a gay man did write it; that’s what makes it soo funny. DV will still be in the closet for years, but the boy is queerer than a three dollar bill. I can’t remember who many times security had to escort him out of the building for spending too much time in the men’s room stalls.
wait till I put up my next post tonight…
it will be a JOE M special!
So DV will hold it in his mouth, but won’t suck on it? Kinda’ the “I didn’t inhale” defense?
nemski has a small willy too, he was the one that had me thrown out of the stall!
dis,
i’m a giver NOT a TAKER, can’t you read?
cajun who is gay is not offended and was HIGHLY amused.
JOE M, presumably not gay was HIGHLY offended and not amused
go figure
Did you guys change the background color just for this post?
🙂
“Joe,
I am friends with a number of gay men who would laugh at this. Obviously there are a number of movies that use stereotypes for comedic effect. Take Coming to America, chock full of black stereotypes, inside jokes, and exaggeration. Not only was it written, produced and directed by black people, but was quite popular with black audiences.”
Chances are, lg, you know a few that would be offended too. The difference between this tripe and a movie like Coming to America is the simple fact that Coming to America was directly satirizing black stereotypes. DV used a stereotype as a tool to satirize someone else. That’s not the same as poking fun at how gays may be seen by ignorant people, it’s an ignorant person using a stereotype, the same as if I made a “joke” about how McCain was like a black man, always hitting the crack pipe.
“What I’m getting at is that I’m wondering if you are offended by the jokes, the joketeller, the underlying parable or the target of the parable?”
Don I normally take with a grain of salt, and it’s possible that I’m overthinking what is a run-of-the-mill crap article that represents 90% of his posting. I’m offended by the way in which a stereotype was used, which is not the way don believes. I’m not normally uptight, but I’ll call an asshole an asshole if it fits.
“If a gay man had written this, would you be as offended?”
Hard to say. It still wouldn’t hit me right, but I may be more lenient because s/he would be telling the story from the perspective of having the experience of being gay. Kind of like, I can call myself a giant fatass and it’s funny because it’s self-deprecating humor, but if a stranger on the street said the same, I’d have one of his eyes.
I’m offended by the way in which a stereotype was used, which is not the way don believes.
proof you are a fucktard…
Did I use fucktard right Joe? or was that not the right context for you?
How about when I write something I ask the 3000 people that visit this blog if they are offended. If they are I won’t post it. I want to make EVERYONE happy
I ask the 3000 people that visit this blog …
hyperbole alert!
“proof you are a fucktard…
Did I use fucktard right Joe? or was that not the right context for you?
How about when I write something I ask the 3000 people that visit this blog if they are offended. If they are I won’t post it. I want to make EVERYONE happy”
considering the content of this comment, you probably should have made it one of your posts, dv.
You’re right Jason. It’s 30,000.
Christ on a Cracker, I can’t believe this argument is still going on…ain’t we got bigger fish to fry?
I am more offended by “family values” repugs who are caught in public toilets and who have consistently voted against hate crimes bills, ENDA, and voted for DOMA as they wipe the jizz from their chins.
If gay folks didn’t have a sensahumah, it could get very ugly in this F**ked society.
I mean, imagine the Repugs candidates on display; one has serious anger issues and the other believes the world is 5000 years old. Well, good luck with that.
No one need stand up for me. I’ve survived crap about which straight people are clueless and would probably shit themselves if it happened to them.
Can we just move on here?
RE: the FISA vote. I want Carper’s head. He’s a DINO and I want him out. My call to his office was met with a rude response and when I challenged her comments, she hung up on me. THAT’S what we should be focusing on; not satire. Jeez.
Just my two cents; while I still free to express it.
tc
the cajun said:
“stuff”
You make good points, so I’ll drop it and apologize to everyone for stretching it on so long.
Plus, I want to enjoy my beer.
Mmmmm… Beer.
Naughty, naught DonHoni…..
apology accepted fucktard
I meant everyone except you, buttlick 😉
“Buttlick?” Oh, well.
Good! It’s ended.
Thanks for the apology Joe. That doesn’t happen too often.
We may disagree, but that’s OK. We can agree to disagree. The whole country needs to get back to that way of thinking and stop the personal attacks.
Let’s move on and get our country back on track.
Oh, and webmaster, please lose the pink background. It’s hard on the eyes.
Such valentines killjoys…
Mmm, buttlick.