I ask myself when did the government become a conduit for corporations to increase their bottom line and stop being for the people by the people? I look at the approval ratings of BOTH the President and Congress and see record low ratings. Something like 20% of this country think it all is going well. Is it any wonder that a minority of this country think that everything is fine and we still continue to head down the same track?
What is wrong? I ask myself to the point of tears almost. I really do, honestly, I get a sunken feeling in and around my heart when I wonder what the fuck is going on with this country? I mean what the fuck man? I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. It hurts me inside to know that such a small majority of MY country is controlling me. I hate to be controlled. If you want me to do something just ask me NOT to do it. The people running this country are so worried about making that next dollar b/c god forbid the next one may never com. They just gotta get one more. They never stop man…never. It’s horrible. endless. I feel a creeping, slowly, overwhelming, drowning type feeling that sets in sometimes. I feel powerless like a turtle being flipped on its’ back. Like A fish on a boat not able to get in the water. The fish is no longer flopping though, just mouth opening occassionally gasping for air. I feel like I’m almost to the point of urinating but barely able to hold it. It’s a sense of being so powerless that you feel you have no options but to lie their in take it type feeling.
I remember going to Straight in and around Fairfax Va once a month when I was 14 and 15. It was a horrible experience for me. I never knew about drugs to the degree these kids did them and just how many people did them until I saw the patients there. I remember this one thing that parents had to do when they talked to their kids across the room 20 yards away in a chair, with a sponsor type kid holding thier hand in his belt loop in case he darted out of the building to run away yet again. We always had to start with “I feel (insert feeling) because XY and Z”
I remember sharing my “I feel because” I feel hurt because I have to come down here to see you. I feel hurt because of what you have done to our family. I feel hurt because you don’t understand the pain you have caused. I feel violated because everything I was told in school, on TV, in the Movies and in books is a big FUCKING LIE.
I feel hurt by my country. I feel ashamed. I feel raped and abused. Not sexually. But in my heart. When I saw the President smirk on TV today after finding out the FISA bill was passed I was ill. It’s a game to him. Much like that photo of him playing rugby and giving a dirty upper cut to his opponent he views it as a game. I am Jack’s raging bile duct. My heart hurts. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. I don’t even look to God or Jesus Christ anymore. Sinking feeling. I have a stone tied to my ankle and I’m being pulled under. I am swimming like crazy and not getting up for air. I can see the light but it is moving away. I’m drowning, I know it, he knows it and he is not helping. I’m starting to close my eyes. I’m no longer struggling at this point. A part of me is giving in. The weight of the stone is too much for me.
As i descend to my death, I feel what has happened to this country. My life is flashing through my eyes and I wonder at what point my persuit of happiness was to have paid its’ amazing dividend of free will and peace.
I feel like what I was told as a child has become the biggest bunch of propaganda bullshit and our dear leaders still think that I’m that same 12 year old in social studies believing we had thanksgiving dinner with the Indians at Plymouth rock instead slaying a few million of them like hitler did the Jews. sinking…sinking
I feel confused by this bullshit. Confused because I am an adult. Because I know right from wrong and I know what I was taught. I know that we all have our differences but in the end the majority is supposed to win. The majority is supposed to have a say. That in the end the Constitution is supposed to win. Right? Am I wrong? Aren’t you supposed to be held accountable for your actions? I got busted for something when i was kid and did my “time” so to speak. How come they don’t.? How the FUCK DO THEY GET AWAY WITH IT MAN? drowning, about to take my last breath at this point. the rock is on the bottom and I’m tired of it, I want to let it pull me down so it can all be over and be someone elses problem. I don’t care anymore. I don’t.
I feel perplexed. I was taught that the Vice President belongs to the executive branch. Yet we literally have the Vice President and his men saying otherwise. Can you imagine learning this one in Civics. What I’m more perplexed over is the fact that the President has never said anything about it, or to my knowledge been asked.
I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed by Carper, Castle and Biden because they are complacent. Time and again they proved that they are only for themselves and the people they work for. Corporations. Where are they on the Vice President being an anomoly to Government? where is their voice? Pussies. You are all PUSSIES you know that? self serving, lap dogs that work to get re elected and not for me or any of us.
I feel that corporations have ruined this country. Ruined ALMOST beyond repair. I saw an episode of Adams today and in it, Jefferson basically says that Revolution is healthy for any democracy and the blood from that revolution is great manure to regrow a better government. WHEN is our Revolution? When? When? When did corporations become some powerful manipulative tool for the uber rich? So powerful as to sap the fucking energy of it citizens of anything remotely close to a degree of self respect that any man or woman should have. I know that there have always been corporations and they have positioned themselves closesly to the government for their own self interests but was their so many? Has it always been this way. Have the struggles to succeed in a democracy always been so hard for so many?
Were they all so leech like? I don’t blame the corporations for ruining this country though entirely that is. I feel they are a big part of why this country is the way it is though. I feel that the spineless politicians like Harris McDowell, the old bag of shit Adams, delinquents like Atkins are all apart of a bigger cesspool that has become a blight on our history. I don’t blame the corporations because shit bags like the 3 mentioned here, the 3 mentioned earlier and the countless more that want to sell my land, allow me to be spied on without a warrant all because they enjoy their power and could care less about people that don’t shake their hand or donate to them. They are weak. They are spineless and they can’t think for themselves. They don’t stop to ask themselves a fundemental question I think should be required before they wipe their asses in the morning. “Is what I’m doing going to benefit my people? or a corporation more?” I want to just close my eyes. I feel I am the only one fighting this battle. I feel the war for more equality that rages in my soul is being defeated and I am being tortured a slow agonizing death that once I succumb I will be like all the rest of them. Wake up, go to work, work for the machine that fills the pockets of the rich, only to get my bone to take home for the kids each night.
It’s that simple. I feel because. I feel if more politicians and people actually stopped to say is this what’s best for my country and for it’s citizens that things might change. I feel that I’m at my wits end and things most likely have to get worse before they get better.
I feel fear. In my stomach, in my heart I feel it growing like a painful tumor that I can no longer control. I can almost touch it too. I really do feel it. Don’t you? But not of some “raghead” in Iraq strapping a bomb to himself and killing my family. I fear that when I get old enough to retire that I won’t be able too. That I will be like this my entire life. Scratching clawing climbing on my belly searching for another quarter because I need it to buy food to live.
I fear that I will be watched by my government. I feel that I will never be able to take a deep sigh of relief and look at the steaming pile of shit I just left behind me and be satisfied with it.
I just don’t feel that in 35 years I will be able to feel secure enough. I feel that greed has taken hold of this country and I am being turned upside down by the people that want all the money. I am being shaken to death. Maybe that is what that feeling is in the pit of my heart? Maybe it’s me being fleeced? Being turned upside down and having my money shaken out of me.
In 2005 I had 50% more in my 401k than I do now. 50% FUCKING PERCENT….Can you imagine if Social Security had been privatized? Can you freaking imagine? Seriously? I’m down 50% in 5 years? Do you know how long it is going to take to get that money back? Do you people realize that? Keep peeing on my leg and tell me it is raining please. I feel violated. So filthily violated.
I’m afraid. I’m very afraid. I’m afraid that in the rich peoples zest to make money that I’m getting screwed. Don’t believe me? How about the fact that GM builds cars just long enough to beat out that 5 year payment. how about the fact that college, COLLEGE educations cost $40k a year for TEMPLE. TEMPLE PEOPLE. That is absurd.
I feel date raped and I wasn’t given a ruffie. My mouth is being covered by the government. It has wrapped it’s flag around my mouth and has slowly climbed on top of me. I’m writhing around like a 12 year old girl about to be raped. I don’t want this, NOOOOOO, Stop. But her he comes, smirking. He knows he was won. he knows. He has climbed on top of me. Taken off my pants. Laughed at me as I gag and cough with the flag around my mouth. Snot comes out of my nose. My eyes are welling. I’m still fighting though. I’m kicking him off. I have managed to keep my shirt on and only allowed my pants to get down to my knees. I cant roll over though because he will have my backside. I want to shut my eyes and just let it be over. But I can’t stop fighting. I won’t let him win. He can’t win. I will break away. It will get better it has to get better. I feel sunlight or I see it…I feel something small, inside me fighting like hell, telling me not to give up.
I don’t know how it will get better but I feel it will. I can’t be dragged down any longer. I have to keep scratching and clawing my way through this life. I have this blog and people read it. politicians read and I have news for you, their are way more of us then there are of you people. We will take our country back. We will break away from this gang rape on our pride and country. We will begin to feel proud again and realize that we can win that the minority isn’t in power. That the rich white land owners don’t get their say anymore. The ones cultivating it get a say for a change.
I feel like I have to keep fighting. Like I can’t be raped anymore. I can’t be violated anymore. I won’t let it happen time and again. I can’t let it happen and if that means running for office then maybe I should. I can’t allow this to happen to me, you, my wife, my children, my country, my state. I feel almost powerless but it is that little bit of power I cling to. That almost that tells me it is worth it to keep doing what I’m doing. That you do see the light, hang in there man, keep on keepin on man.
I feel that at some point things have to get better. I don’t know when, but they will. I still feel all those things up there in this post and that is the majority of the way I feel all the time. I still have a ray of hope in me and struggle to feed that hope at times especially like today. Today is one of those days that have seemed to happen a lot more often then they used to. Tomorrow may be one too. But I know that in the end I have to have hope. I have to believe that all that bullshit I learned in school is what this country is made up of. That even though some horrible people run this country there are some good people that will make it all right.
I feel that together we can continue to make a difference. That this blog, this internet, this AWESOME new media outlet I have will produce change. It will be the catalyst that brings hope to the millions, shit, tens of millions of people that want a better country. That want to SHARE in the fruits of our labors. That want to enjoy the first few tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy and keep climbing up to make this country greater.
We have a long, long road ahead of us people. We are the majority god damnit. We have the power we just have to know how to use it, to wield it, to harness it. We can do it, we can make change happen.
I feel better because i know there are a lot of you out there that feel like me.
I feel better because I know that you want change and you know it is coming. It has too. They can keep us down for only so long….only so long till we fight back. Till we take it back.
“Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.” –Thomas Jefferson: his motto.
“As revolutionary instruments (when nothing but revolution will cure the evils of the State) [secret societies] are necessary and indispensable, and the right to use them is inalienable by the people.” –Thomas Jefferson to William Duane, 1803. FE 8:256