Enough is enough, It will be settled 7/31/2008!
I think I have opened things up before with a sentence similar to the one I’m about to use right now. We have all had our fun. We have had a great laugh. Liberalgeek made a funny and we all laughed. Hahahohohehe.
Did you ladies and gents get that out of your system? You feel all better now? Great…good, I’m so happy for you. Now it is time to take charge. We have traded a few barbs, we all had a good cute widdle chuckle didn’t we? Well, I’m not holding back any longer. I’ve sat back and watched my title be diminished like some pewter crown worn by a prom queen whore everyone riducules behind her back. The halls of justice have spoken and I am ready to defend my title. I have made some sly remarks about this and that, poked a little fun at the “competition” but really, enough is enough. It is time for me to stand up and defend what is MINE and MINE only!
This Thursday at Catherine Rooney’s all you wondering what I f’ing look like and what I’m about will see once and for all that I am it. I’m not mincing words. I AM DHB. This isn’t some cute little 3 word phrase strung together that some cute little geek, pandora or cassandra can just wear and then go home to their spouses and say, “look honey…see, people love me” this isn’t some popularity contest. This is about so much more than who likes who. Awwww, isn’t LG all cute, he made liveblogging and him and Maria get to make conversation during the debates that make me want to vomit.
Seriously, I don’t know why this started or how this became a competition. My guess is it came about out of sure jealousy. But it is not funny any longer. I am DHB (picture foot stomping down really hard). End of it. I have charm. I have sex appeal. Yes, I said it. I didn’t just annoint myself DHB because I was being cutesy wutsey. I AM DHB. Enough said. I carry myself in a certain way. I have a chip on my shoulder that can’t be knocked off. I talk the talk and walk the walk. You see when people meet me they go, oh, shit, he is the real deal. Case in point Dana G. He saw, he learned and he acknowledged. End of it.
I am dangerous and chicks dig it. Gay guys dig it. I can be a muscle bear if I have to be. I can slim down and be an otter if I f;ing need to be too. I can go and be metrosexual and shave my freaking ass hair if I have to. It doesn’t matter, I am anything and everything you want me to to be. I am Karma Chameleon and I can be what you want me to be, because I am everything you want. I don’t care who you are, you find me attractive, hate me or love me, you want me. Gay or straight, you are curious. “Can he really back it up” is what you are asking when you see me, when you talk to me or when you shake my hand. Yes, (quietly in your soft ear, my voice tickles your ear drum when I say, “yes and you know it”)
Don’t lie to yourself, you are curious, mildly maybe, but you are. The answer, is resoundingly, F’ YES. Definitively yes. I’m hot. There is not a second of doubt. People wonder if there is some reason I act the way I do. It is not an act. It has taken years to become DHB. I was meant for this job. This role. Delaware is a small state and if it is going to be represented well, it has to be. I can carry the torch to the Bunny Ranch, to the Playboy Mansion and the Hustler Hotel and still have time to go to church and beg for forgiveness on Sunday.
I am proud to be who I am. I have it, you want it, and you ARE NOT getting it, unless of course you think you can handle it. I have been challenged and I am not sitting down anymore. Some broad poked fun at my handshake…well, you know what, some chicks like soft hands. You want firm? Well, give me 2 minutes and I will give you firm too.
I’m not playing around anymore. (have I said that already?) If I have oh well, I said it more than once because it’s true. I don’t read comic books. I am a man. I don’t make fun of people that write into the New Journal. You know why? Because those people care enough to write in and say something. So many of you sacks of shit sit back read and say nothing. Speechless, spineless, I have nothing to add…WHATEVER. I have something add god damnit. Here it is 2 + 2 = DH F’ing B is me
I am DHB. There end of it. I am the HOTTEST BLOGGER in Delaware. I’m not some P that pulls punches. I say it like it is. I call it like it is. Locked and Loaded baby. That how I role. You wish you had what I had, you want what I got and you are not getting it.
I am the kind of guy that can drink a 12 pack and hang with the best of them. I can pick out a bottle of wine and tell you if it is good or not. I can cook you a meal that you will remember forever. I know a good time and I know how to keep you coming back for more; in all aspects for god damned sure.
This isn’t some half ass contest. This is the real deal and I am the real deal. I am IT. (picture me dusting off shoulder ala Obama and fist bumping myself) Sorry, but mo’ hotter mo problems and you can’t handle it. I walk into a place I don’t need to see a friendly face to feel at ease. I am at ease wherever I go. I am DHB. People don’t say, ask, “is that DHB”, they say, “THERE is DHB”
You get the point. I am it, I carry myself this way because I am this way. It is not an act, some bloggers want to knock me off my pedestal, I’m hear to tell you that it isn’t a pedestal. It is my me.
I am DHB and Thursday all you will vote for me, because everything up to now has been cute and fun, but when you want someone to represent you want me. See you Thursday and drinks are on me, if of course you can hang and not say, while you hold your diaper, “ohhhh I would, but I have to work tomorrow”
Donvit for DHB
Since you are basically a neighbor of mine, you have my vote.
I would note however it will take f’ing bleach to get the mental picture of your ass hair out of my brain.
That, or a gun.
That, my friends, is a strong case!
Voting already, DD? And yet… I do believe you haven’t even met all of the competition. A little premature, don’t ya think?
I have met Jason, LG and DV. Are there other candidates?
I used to want DV to win because I wanted him to win. Now I want him to win because I’m worried about the consequences if he loses.
That is something to consider. Perhaps we should deny DV the official title of DHB just to see how and with what deadly weapons DV will react.
Ah, DD… Cassandra and I are in the running. Looking forward to meeting you Thursday night. Perhaps you can remain uncommitted until then…
Wait can’t I get in on the contest as delaware’s hottest blogger. Now I understand that I don’t blog (minor technicality), but I am married to a blogger that should count right? I’m definitely hotter than he is. SO VOTE FOR ME!!!!
Ooh, stunning betrayal!
This is going to go down WWE style!!
Jesus Christ! what have I done! beat it woman, I have a secret life that you are not to be a part of
ever
A stunning development.
Mrs. Hotviti is definitely hotter than DV. She now has my vote.
DD is a swing voter!
swing(er)?
THANKS!!!! I should get all of DV’s votes just out of principle (b/c I am so much hotter than he is) btw….. i make him hot w/out me he’s just average 🙂
inside joke people
that is soooooo my line. I make her hotter just by being with me…
god damnit! worlds are colliding!
As a swing(er) vote, I can bought.
keep back pedaling sweetie. i know it’s hard to admit that i should wear the crown b/c i’m hotter than you and have WAY more attitude!
oh for christs sake!
Let her in the contest! I’ve met Mrs. Hotviti… she knows of what she speaks!
And after such a strong showing, too. I may switch my vote as well…
Queen MHV.. hmmm.. it has a ring!
I think I can hear the Donvitis arguing from down the street.
DV: “But I am Delaware’s Hottest Blogger! You can’t swoop in and take this from me! It’s mine!”
Mrs. DV: “I earned it. I am carrying your baby after all!”
he thinks it’s his baby 🙂
DD, I imagine it with more profanity and sass.
Oh, shit! MHV just won the contest and the entire internet!
you know there are people out there that would be happy to hear it isn’t mine!
joe,
you don’t get your phone back until I see a vote my way!
She won the entire internet? Not much of a prize. It is just a series of tubes after all.
no worries joe……. don’t be bullied by his scare tactics. it’s all talk, i’ll take care of everything.
and dv….. that’s only in your dreams at night that anyone would be happy that it wasn’t yours. 🙂
oh for CHRIST’S SAKE!
I just realized something, since fetus’s get a choice in this world, my unborn son, votes for me!
but dv that’s if the baby was yours. so vote goes to me. (i’m hotter and smarter than him)
I am now swinging back because I am starting to feel sorry for poor little DV. Here he has spent months laboring under the delusion that he is the hottest blogger that it is now part of his identity.
He wrote this post so confidentially, only to see a usurper come along and steal his thunder.
Poor DV.
Wow, can’t leave you guys for a minute!
But Mrs. Hotviti is bringing it, and forcing DV to check himself up on this Hot Blogger thing! LG handed him his ass last go round, so this time, I think I am releasing all of my delegates (JS-style) to Mrs. Hotviti, in solidarity of showing DV what a completely Whack blogger he is.
SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS.
So to sum up:
Liberal Geek: has all of Jason’s delegates.
Mrs. Hotviti: has all of Cassandra’s delegates.
Donviti: has the vote of his unborn son and maybe me.
Pandora: has Sussex Co.
Damn, at this point, DV may just start taking pity votes!
PS: This is so rich, that it is well worth the loss of my phone!
you guys are the best!!!!
And Steve Newton!
I think I may have prematurepostulated….
I think Jason gave his to DV. I am getting my votes from a grass roots, get out the vote effort.
BREAKING NEWS: Donviti back in contention with the possibility of JS’ delegates voting for him.
Return of Overbearing Confidence Near?
Joe,
did LG say grass?
fyi, mrs. Hotviti said she didn’t “get what LG said” ergo, her vote is null and void!
He did. Maybe this is still up the air!
Not null and void if it is written on legal tender. Especially if she votes for me.
LG’s GOTV effort is in calling local bloggers tonight to beg for their votes.
A little birdie told me.
Maybe she’ll vote for me!
her vote is null and void!
C’mon man! There are sharp knives in your house and you have to sleep sometime — you are just asking for trouble…
Liberal Geek: has all of Jason’s delegates.
All my delegates are going over to DV: Lincoln, Hamilton, and Jackson. If it looks close I’ll call my buddy Grant.
I’m a Donviti partisan.
DV returns to frontrunner status!!!!!!!!!!!
I call foul! Not with this silly post, but with Jason, Cassandra and DD dropping out. Oh, no you don’t! You guys (except DD) wrote posts entering this contest and now you’re in it!
I’m not saying nobody should vote for me, but I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror…
Having avoided mirrors for the past ten years, let’s just say I was a little surprised.
Denver! Denver! Denver!
You didn’t see your reflection, did you?
VAMPIRE!
Ask not what DHB can do for you! Ask what you can do for DHB!
How many votes can I buy? I think I’d do one vote for each that stuck it out until the end.
And two for MHV.
“Ask not what DHB can do for you! Ask what you can do for DHB!”
Isn’t that Mrs. Hotviti’s job?
I believe it’s 5.00 a vote, Joe.
yes, it is her “job”
It’s great to see you guys are having so much fun–and all on my behalf. Thanks all.
We’ll see who’s hot and who’s not on Thursday.
Ah… the voice of reason!
that was an endorsement for Donviti I have you know….
Sure about that, tough guy?
Since Tommy is the Smartest Guy in the Room, you do know that he will be voting for Mrs. Hotviti….
#62 is TN DV’s baby’s father……