I think I have opened things up before with a sentence similar to the one I’m about to use right now. We have all had our fun. We have had a great laugh. Liberalgeek made a funny and we all laughed. Hahahohohehe.
Did you ladies and gents get that out of your system? You feel all better now? Great…good, I’m so happy for you. Now it is time to take charge. We have traded a few barbs, we all had a good cute widdle chuckle didn’t we? Well, I’m not holding back any longer. I’ve sat back and watched my title be diminished like some pewter crown worn by a prom queen whore everyone riducules behind her back. The halls of justice have spoken and I am ready to defend my title. I have made some sly remarks about this and that, poked a little fun at the “competition” but really, enough is enough. It is time for me to stand up and defend what is MINE and MINE only!
This Thursday at Catherine Rooney’s all you wondering what I f’ing look like and what I’m about will see once and for all that I am it. I’m not mincing words. I AM DHB. This isn’t some cute little 3 word phrase strung together that some cute little geek, pandora or cassandra can just wear and then go home to their spouses and say, “look honey…see, people love me” this isn’t some popularity contest. This is about so much more than who likes who. Awwww, isn’t LG all cute, he made liveblogging and him and Maria get to make conversation during the debates that make me want to vomit.
Seriously, I don’t know why this started or how this became a competition. My guess is it came about out of sure jealousy. But it is not funny any longer. I am DHB (picture foot stomping down really hard). End of it. I have charm. I have sex appeal. Yes, I said it. I didn’t just annoint myself DHB because I was being cutesy wutsey. I AM DHB. Enough said. I carry myself in a certain way. I have a chip on my shoulder that can’t be knocked off. I talk the talk and walk the walk. You see when people meet me they go, oh, shit, he is the real deal. Case in point Dana G. He saw, he learned and he acknowledged. End of it.
I am dangerous and chicks dig it. Gay guys dig it. I can be a muscle bear if I have to be. I can slim down and be an otter if I f;ing need to be too. I can go and be metrosexual and shave my freaking ass hair if I have to. It doesn’t matter, I am anything and everything you want me to to be. I am Karma Chameleon and I can be what you want me to be, because I am everything you want. I don’t care who you are, you find me attractive, hate me or love me, you want me. Gay or straight, you are curious. “Can he really back it up” is what you are asking when you see me, when you talk to me or when you shake my hand. Yes, (quietly in your soft ear, my voice tickles your ear drum when I say, “yes and you know it”)
Don’t lie to yourself, you are curious, mildly maybe, but you are. The answer, is resoundingly, F’ YES. Definitively yes. I’m hot. There is not a second of doubt. People wonder if there is some reason I act the way I do. It is not an act. It has taken years to become DHB. I was meant for this job. This role. Delaware is a small state and if it is going to be represented well, it has to be. I can carry the torch to the Bunny Ranch, to the Playboy Mansion and the Hustler Hotel and still have time to go to church and beg for forgiveness on Sunday.
I am proud to be who I am. I have it, you want it, and you ARE NOT getting it, unless of course you think you can handle it. I have been challenged and I am not sitting down anymore. Some broad poked fun at my handshake…well, you know what, some chicks like soft hands. You want firm? Well, give me 2 minutes and I will give you firm too.
I’m not playing around anymore. (have I said that already?) If I have oh well, I said it more than once because it’s true. I don’t read comic books. I am a man. I don’t make fun of people that write into the New Journal. You know why? Because those people care enough to write in and say something. So many of you sacks of shit sit back read and say nothing. Speechless, spineless, I have nothing to add…WHATEVER. I have something add god damnit. Here it is 2 + 2 = DH F’ing B is me
I am DHB. There end of it. I am the HOTTEST BLOGGER in Delaware. I’m not some P that pulls punches. I say it like it is. I call it like it is. Locked and Loaded baby. That how I role. You wish you had what I had, you want what I got and you are not getting it.
I am the kind of guy that can drink a 12 pack and hang with the best of them. I can pick out a bottle of wine and tell you if it is good or not. I can cook you a meal that you will remember forever. I know a good time and I know how to keep you coming back for more; in all aspects for god damned sure.
This isn’t some half ass contest. This is the real deal and I am the real deal. I am IT. (picture me dusting off shoulder ala Obama and fist bumping myself) Sorry, but mo’ hotter mo problems and you can’t handle it. I walk into a place I don’t need to see a friendly face to feel at ease. I am at ease wherever I go. I am DHB. People don’t say, ask, “is that DHB”, they say, “THERE is DHB”
You get the point. I am it, I carry myself this way because I am this way. It is not an act, some bloggers want to knock me off my pedestal, I’m hear to tell you that it isn’t a pedestal. It is my me.
I am DHB and Thursday all you will vote for me, because everything up to now has been cute and fun, but when you want someone to represent you want me. See you Thursday and drinks are on me, if of course you can hang and not say, while you hold your diaper, “ohhhh I would, but I have to work tomorrow”
Donvit for DHB