I just thought of something

Palin is a woman and Joe Biden could get totally tripped up b/c she has a set of knockers.  Jesus Christ!  This is incredible.  Holy shiiiiiiiioooooooonola are we in trouble.  Biden, has been completly isolated in the world thus far.  The Taliban like mentality in the Senate and Congress in general has definitely sheltered him. Nobody PANIC! (picture Airplane scene where everyone is freaking out, then you see that guy that is a krishna that looks like John Laroquette, then BAM that set of knockers appears for two seconds…then the shaking jello!!!!!) PANIC!!!!!!

I was thinking about this because I was riding on the train the other day and there was a woman sitting almost 15 feet away.  Jesus christ, you should have seen Joe.  He was wringing his hands and I noticed a bead of sweat on his brow. A few people circled around him to cut off his gaze from the woman. It was interesting to watch. It was subtle and effective. A circle of people came out of no where and enclosed themselves around Joe. Creating a human shield. Hardly any light snuck in between the handlers.

She was a voluptuous blonde standing almost 6 foot tall in her heels.  Black, shiney and deadly heals.  Her skirt, it was pink and it came about 4 inches above her knees.  Just enough for my mind to wander to Sister Alexander saying that a girls hemline should never be higher than the tips of her fingers if her arms were too her sides.

oooofa Sister Alexander, man what a hitter.

It was a heavy cotton blend fabric made for fall. It had a little slit on the side of her left leg that went up to her thight. Her legs were freshly shaved. This woman knew what she was doing.

The handlers were, practically breaking out in a panic.  Her skirt was revealing her form, her soft milkey white legs and her desire to make men crazy and unable to control themsleves.  The pink skirt fit perfectly around her size 2 figure.  She had on a white blouse, that was sheer enough to show white undergarment. The white shirt was tucked in perfectly. The buttons were doing everything they could to hold back what every man, woman and child were praying they could rest their heads on and fall asleep with.  Her wavey hair rested on her shoulders and was tucked behind her ears.  It looked so soft, it begged you to put your fingers in it. It wanted you to press your nose up into it behind her ear and whisper something anything. “I love nutterbutters”

She’d turn around and say in a sultry voice, “You do? I do too! wanna….”

Joe was in a near panic after like 10 minutes of this woman being on his car.  The people all around him had done so much to keep women away from him for the past several years  His knee jerk reaction in the past had been to walk up and ask ladies if he could, “Make sure the melons weren’t too ripe”.  The women startled, normally didn’t know what to say.  That’s when Joe would say, “I’m kidding, Come on, it’s an Old Irish joke”  Then, he’d just slap them on their asses. The women would giggle and the men would be envious. Ah, that Joe, what a ladies man.

In order to prevent him from whipping out his pecker on the train and creating another situation like the one in 1985 his staff recently has been asking all women to wear a sheet over their entire bodies.  The staff had run out to the Target on 202 to buy the sheets. They had an intern cut out two eye holes. Whenever a semi attractive woman attempted to board the train they would give her the sheet to wear. After a while someone got the bright idea to spruce up the sheet. They started handing out a black rope as a belt.  Telling the ladies that it was for their own good and that, well, we all know how Joe can’t control himself. It is better if they would just cover themselves.

Of course not all the women had to wear the garb.  Joe had a thing for young women.  Librarian looking ones too, but mostly the stripper hot chicks that look like they take it in, take it all in.  Take in the scenery when he takes them out on his 40 foot boat.  (what?  what did you think I meant?)  So, there appears to be a screening process now and it is working fine.  The stripper hot chicks wear this neet little sheet.  I think it is Egyptian Cotton 2000 thread count, the good stuff.  They also ride in the back of the train so as not to upset Joe or get him excited. 

This one time a couple of weeks ago a similar event occurred.  A lady, not blonde like this one, a black hair woman got on the train.  She looked like Demi Moore in that Stripper movie.  It was one of those hot days and she had the same type of Bikini top on.  Oh man, it was hilarious.  Joe got out his mirror, slicked back plugs 11 through 39 and started to stand up.  You could see him rehearsing his mellon line a mile away in his head.  As he stood up is was sheer panic on the train.  One aid, spun around in two complete circles with his hand over his mouth repeating over and over something about Wopner being on at 5:30. Bizzarre, I know, but women do that to men. In the blink of an eye while Curly over their was wigging out, one of his aids went ballistic and through himself on the lady. He started wailing on her left and right.

He was screaming at her for wearing what she was wearing.  Asking her how could she do this?  She knew Joe was a man!  What the hell was wrong with her.  The train just sat there and watched.  It was her fault and they all knew it. 

You couldn’t see it, but the women at that back of the train in there covers were sort of happy she got it too.  The covers would bob up and down at the petty little giggles that were going off underneeth the cover of darkness.

So here we were, everyone knew what was coming.  They weren’t sure if Joe saw her well enough or not and no one was taking any chances.  The woman in Pink with her black heels was not going to screw it up for us this time.  We are so close to winning this thing. People were about to spring into action when Joe stood up and asked for everyone to calm down.  Just calm down.  Joe walked up to the lady

and the train held their collective breath. As he walked up to the lady the trained jerked to a sudden stop.  It happened so fast. No one was expecting it. People went from sudden panic to a frozen state of shock. People were frozen like a deer in the headlights. They wanted to run, they wanted to do something but things were happening so fast no one knew what to do.  Joe, the man that he is immediately went to rescue the lady before she was about to fall.  People swear they saw him lick his lips at the chance to get in his famous stop short cup and squeeze.

Rumor has it he perfected it back in the 70’s when women were less likely to wear bra’s. The trains were even less reliable then they are now. They would jerk and weave dozens of times between Wilmington and Philly. Joe was a master. People were envious. It was rumored that the number of women riding the train actually increased. Dozens of women hoped to be a “victim” of Joe’s. Boy, when he had his hair back then, the ladies swooned.

So, just as the trained jerked and stopped this time it was when I stepped in.  The woman was not prepared and wasn’t holding on as tightly as a more seasoned rider. I was strictly staring..errr watching her for the good of the country. So when I saw her falling I immediately sprung into action. As the woman was falling face first I put out both hands.  Palm up, fingers spread wide ready to get a handful and prevent her from hitting the ground thus getting that top dirty. I cupped her perfectly and the train let out a sigh of relief.  The woman, couldn’t thank me enough.

Joe, Joe on the other hand was a little upset.  You see, he has been shielded his entire life and finally saw his chance to use his good old melon joke. Joe doesn’t know how to treat a lady anymore. He hardly sees them. The News Journal a while back ran a blind item that allegedly referred to how Joe even had his wife sleep in a seperate bed at night. The melon joke had gotten old in the Biden home apparently.

All we had been hearing over the past few weeks was how we had to make sure that Joe was careful about how he treated women.  The past 20 some years we had managed to shield him from even having to talk to women.  We had gone to such extreme lengths to keep him from hurting himself by getting close to a woman.  Some people were worried that if we let him talk to a lady, he could break in a cold sweat and feel the need to drop his pants and show the lady his bill of rights.  Good lord the panic that would set in on people was frightening. 

I’ll be the first to say it. I think we have all done our best to shield Joe from women. God knows I have done all I can. I don’t know how, I just don’t know how in God’s name tonight at the debate Joe isn’t going to whip out his Melon joke. I hope she isn’t wearing pink…

Where is Sister Alexander when we need her?