Ask Dr. Liberal
From the tipline we read…
Dear Dr. Liberal,
My college junior son is bringing home his Dutch exchange student girlfriend for Thanksgiving. That is fine with me since Holland is far away and Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday in the land that the pilgrims left.
My problem is that he seems to be under the impression that they will be sleeping together in his room.
I raised him to have a healthy, safe attitude toward sex so I’m fairly confident that they are having sex at school. This, again, is fine with me. I just don’t want them doing it around here. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, but I just don’t.
My inner liberal says to chill out, but my inner fogey says to rebuild the Berlin wall. What should I do?
Muddling in Middletown
First of all…Dutch exchange student girlfriend…SWEET!
Now then, where was I?
Oh yeah. All your years of safe, healthy attitude building has been theory when the kid was 12, but now you are face to face with the results of your liberal parenting and you are all “Ew.” Right?
Don’t worry. Parents are entitled to play the old fogey card at random. It is one of the perks of parenthood. Since you raised your boy to have a reasonable attitude toward sex you probably alos raised him to be considerate and have some sense of decorum.
Simply tell your son that he will be sleeping on the sofa and his girlfriend will be upstairs in the bed. And let that be that. Also, If you go shopping and say you are going to be back at 3:00, don’t come back at noon.
He’ll probably get it, but if he makes an issue of it, you will have a teachable moment in which you can explain that you are happy for him with his healthy sexuality and his ability to (so far) not bring grandchildren into your home, but that you would be uncomfortable with the idea of him getting it on beneath his Padmé Amidala poster with his Allen Iverson bobble-head doll nodding his lecherous approval.
I hereby absolve you of feeling that there is some conflict between your liberalism and your parentalism.
Go in Peace,
Dr. Liberal
PS. Ask Dr. Liberal Questions by using the tipline or by emailing me at jason330(at)delawareliberal.com
My parents made me and my now husband sleep in separate rooms before we were married, despite our living together. I guess I’m a proponent of “my house, my rules.” I use variants all the time – like if I’m driving I get to choose the radio station and if I’m paying I get to choose the restaurant.
Jason, you are my hero.
Let me also offer my spare bedroom for the exchange student if she proves to be too promiscuous to stay in the house.
Man, that liberalgeek guy! He just gives, and gives, and gives. Talk about a samaritan’s samaritan.
Mr Isotope: Unfortunately, if I’m driving and the girls are in the truck, they’ll insist on any radio station but the one I have tuned in.
I guess this is why Mrs. Gray and I decided to remain childless. It has proven to be the proper decision at every turn.
Dorian, two words: cheap labor.
You got that right, Dis!
I would go the following route:
Ask your son directly what his expectations are.
See, then you get to have a conversation. It might be one of those ones you cherish forever.
You might be able to put in your suggestion/vote that he consider a night of peaceful sleep in the same bed instead of sweaty flippy floppy.
Or don’t you liberals ever do that? It’s all about the biznis, right?
That is a pretty great suggestion.
Too bad you needed to apphend that dig when you could have just left us with your keen insight.
Hey Dis and Pandora, if you aggregate the costs of food, shelter, tuition, car payments, car insurance, pocket money, sports equipment, music lessons, music instruments, etc., etc., etc… I’d say that labor is quite expensive actually. UAW gave GM a great deal in comparison. 🙂
“Too bad you needed to apphend that dig when you could have just left us with your keen insight.”
Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle African-American!
You have spoiled many a keen insight of your own Jason…..
Anyway.
Good point about the conversation.
Dear Dr. Liberal,
You are to be commended for your crafted reply. I just spent 45 minutes ranting and raving about what my reply would have been to wishy washy parents, inconsiderate son, and perceived promiscuous pilgrim. I guess that’s why you’re the doctor and I’m the mom.
I spent the last 45 minutes fantasizing about the promiscuous pilgrim.
I circumvented the whole situation by paying for my own hotel room before letting the folks know about the girl.
I say let ’em screw around. They’re gonna do it anyway, why be a cockblocker?
Then again, finding the opportunity, and the suspense is half the excitement… go ahead.. be the cockblocker, it’ll only enhance your kid’s libido and make it memorable.
heh, cockblocker?
When I was middleschool-aged, my BFF and neighbor’s very liberal parents had their twenty-something blond female relative visit (circa 1969). The couple insisted on sharing the guest bedroom and it was a huge family controversy, her beau was a black African to boot. We girls thought that the adults were hilariously snitted out.
Cockblocker – 3. (Verb) to cockblock: basically, to interfere, by way of one’s mere presence, with the attempt of one person to freak another
Gotta love the Urban Dictionary.