Evolution Vs. Swedish Socialism: What’s a Wingnut to Do? UPDATED with Video!
No, this is not a hypothetical from El Somnambulo’s psychedelics-ravaged mind.
From our friends in socialist Sweden comes news that a chimpanzee at a Swedish zoo calmly collects rocks in the morning to hurl at onlookers later in the day.
“These observations convincingly show that our fellow apes do consider the future in a very complex way,” he said.
“It implies that they have a highly developed consciousness, including life-like mental simulations of potential events. They most probably have an ‘inner world’ like we have when reviewing past episodes of our lives,” Osvath added.
“When wild chimps collect stones or go out to war, they probably plan this in advance. I would guess that they plan much of their everyday behavior.”
Setting aside the question of whether this makes the former first chimp inferior to his Swedish counterpart (a too-obvious ‘yes’), it raises issues sure to cause existential angst among the wingnut set.
1. Who should they root for? Should the religious conservatives root for the Swedish socialists to prove themselves to be on a higher plane than their alleged predecessors? Or should they view this as a sign that chimps will play a key part in the 1000-Year War leading to Armageddon and the ultimate return of Christ? Or should the evangelicals harbor fears about the chimps’ Islamic leanings? Is it possible that Al Qaida has set up camps in Sweden to train these Simian Soldiers to be the next wave of terrorists? And if the Simian Soldiers succeed, will everybody live in Banana Republics?
2. Should fiscal conservatives root for the chimps to demonstrate inherent weakness in the tenets of Swedish socialism? Are they hoping that the chimps will expose the soft underbelly of all those herring-eaters and their ‘welfare state’? Will the free nationalized healthcare system go bankrupt in the wake of so many injuries caused by the hurled projectiles?
There are so many questions and so little time. Please add your own questions and answers.
The ultimate outcome? ‘The Beast Who Slumbers’ suspects that the wingnuts are rooting for the chimps to win. Then, with no one to enforce Sweden’s weapons ban, they’ll head to Sweden and shoot all the chimps.
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I think the school of thought for creationists is that humans are the pinnacle of all creation and thus rule over the earth. However, as more and more research is done we keep finding the line between humans and other animals is very, very thin. Perhaps our only difference is highly developed language and upright walking.
Where is “Feces Throwing Monkey?” this is his thread. Probably off somewhere storing up piles of poo.
The chimp has probably been reading his bible and fixated on the “let he without sin cast the first stone” part. Simple explanations are the best.
Feces Throwing Monkey has probably evolved past the point where he’s a mere feces throwing monkey.
LOL meatball.
Hey, you humans! Get off my lawn!
This isn’t evolutionary behavior; it’s a completely rote response!!!
The chimp does what conservatives do all the time – mimic human behavior, then forget all about it after the assessment!
😀
These scientists are so dogmatic about evolutionary “facts”. Next thing you know mathematicians will start being dogmatic about 2 + 2 = 4. Fundementalists all!!
Principia Mathematica is our bible?
The bible includes some math… just rather poorly done math. (Big suprise right.)
http://www.geocities.com/paulntobin/math.html
“in the 1000-Year War leading to Armageddon and the ultimate return of Christ?”?
What are you talking about? What 1000 year war?
Does ‘Bulo have this confused with the Peace of Humus breaking out after the 100-Year War of the Cows? ‘Bulo is not a religious man, but he loves his beef. And not just for idolatry anymore. It’s what’s for dinner.