QOD
So if you didn’t read my post the other day called “waiting” then you might not know where this question of the day is coming from. It is a two parter.
1. If your ex-spouse was unemployed and one of your children decided that she wanted to live with one parent full time, would you file for child support if the parent the child didn’t live with was the one that was unemployed AND you knowingly did it while the person was unemployed
2. Does anyone know any lawyers that might like to represent a guy that is unemployed and was just served papers to pay childsupport from an ex-wife that knew he was unemployed?
Yes, I believe the ex-spouse should still file for child support. That is support for the child and if the situation changes you certainly want to have an order in place already.
DV, I’ve been thinking about this since your last post.
For some reason in this country, we have negative connotations toward the words child support. It seems to get confused with alimony or ex-spouse support.
I know times are tough, but remember child support is money to feed and cloth your child. It should always be thought of that way.
UI/Nemski…yes, you are correct, but in DV’s case, there is a very real possibility that the ex has more $$$ coming in than DV right now. Child Support should be flexible in that the share of support remains a percentage, not a fixed dollar figure. In my example (only random numbers), since DV is without job by no fault of his own, he percentage contribution should be low compared to the ex. If he is able to get work in this economy and his income then surpasses the ex, then that percentage should be revisited, yes.
As a child of divorce, thank God my father was accepting without question of his responsibility (I equate him in the role of DV’s ex as he was the gainfully employed one and my mother struggled initially) and this never happened to us (mother, brother, and me). Once my mom recertified herself as an RN and got a FT job, she willingly reworked support with my father. It is indeed a rare thing, but should be the norm, period.
DV – I really wish I could refer you to someone, I really do. The last time I referred someone to an attorney in this arena, that attorney was brought up on charges of some sort of harrassment of his clients (some of it sexual). The recommendations aren’t my game, apparently.
Maybe you and Tyler can call peace long enough to help you find someone?
“child support is money to feed and cloth your child. It should always be thought of that way.”
While this is true, there certainly are ways to feed and cloth children for far less than the average child support payment. The difference becomes additional alimony.
Full disclosure: Happily married for nigh on twenty years, 2 dependant children, 4 dogs, a flock of chickens, no child support or alimony.
Child support is calculated in Delaware with a mindless formula, and you have the right to have the child support order amended if your conditions change.
You said “she filed”–if the order hasn’t gone through, you can show the change in your income and argue for reduced child support; technically your spouse’s income should not be on the table.
Taking a lawyer into a child support hearing is not always to your best advantage; the attorney cannot change the information required under the child support formula.
On the other hand, the attorney buys you all those little intangibles with the judge and (most importantly) the clerk of the court.
I don’t think the attorney I am going to mention would do this for free, but I suspect she would be willing to work out a payment plan with you.
Normally she’ll charge about $700 for a court appearance: Jennifer Hartnett in Hockessin.
I have used her with my daughter’s issues with child support and she is excellent.
Good luck.
There are a couple of competing interests here. As noted above, this is support for your child, and it is an obligation. But the otyher part is: you can’t get blood from a stone, and adding attorney’s fees simply takes more money away from you that you won’t be able to put into child support.
A sensible person would say, “Look, I know that times are difficult for you, but you’ve got to meet your obligations at some point. How ’bout we come up with something in which you make up the arrears on a schedule after you get another job?”
DV:
I would first deliver neglected apologies, then arrange a meeting with ex-wife to come to a reasonable agreement covering the present unemployed circumstances and future employed circumstances.
Consulting a lawyer first may precipitate more hostility and make a reasonable agreement less likely, or at least take more time than you have, not to mention the fees you will need to pay.
A second alternative would be to pick a go-between, a person you and your ex both know, a neutral party who can be an effective communicator to both of you.
Perry, I know you are late to the show, so you honestly don’t know, but there is nothing but hostility already.
My best advice would be to expedite this as soon as possible. Get in front of a judge and with your current employment status, as well as the general economy, the odds for you having to fork out less are highest now….
Perry, I know you are late to the show, so you honestly don’t know, but there is nothing but hostility already.
I don’t think hostility is a strong enough word for it. 😉
I guess the other caveat to this is that my daughter has done this before where she didn’t want to live with her mother at all and stayed with me for several weeks. After several weeks I said enough was enough and you need to see your mother.
thanks for the advice Perry.
If you want some back story search “Airing my dirty laundry” on this site and grab a beer.
Dana,
you’d think right?
I play Tennis with Jennifer and I’d recommend her also.
YES, sorry she probably should file, just in case you win the POWERBALL 🙂
If I won the powerball I’d probably give my ex-wife money. that’s not a lie either.
Yeah, but how much? 🙂
If you won the lottery, what you should do is specify that your children each get shares, and then you can specify an administrator for the shares until said children turn 18.
You’d also be wiser to specify that your current wife gets a specific share, so that if the former Mrs Viti sues you, the current Mrs Viti wouldn’t have her share tied up.
My parents were divorced when I was in the second grade, way back in 1961, when that simply Was Not Done. My father had the attitude that child support was an option rather than an obligation, an option he quickly ceased taking.
We lived in California, but that was my father’s home, not my mother’s, and she moved us back to her home in Maine. She couldn’t get a job there, but her sister found her one in Kentucky, so we headed there.
The resut was that we never saw our father again, never heard from him, and never received any support from him. It was more like he had died than anything else. Times were tough for us, and we were dirt poor for a while, but, as I think about it now, and see how kids get fought over by divorced parents, and how divorced parents fight with each other, I think that my sisters and I were probably the lucky ones.
My mother is gone now, having died too young. As for my father, I have no idea where he is or if he is alive or dead.
thanks for sharing Dana
I’m sorry to hear that Dana. That’s a sad story.
No, I wouldn’t… but then again, I have the common sense to know that I would have to deal with the ex for the rest of my life, and being nice goes farther than misery.
Your ex, apparently, is not as mature.
Fortunately my me, my parents kept the bitterness between them separate from our eyes when they divorced. At one point there was even a transfer of custody. Since I have turned 18, they don’t speak, and only met one time during my wedding. My only request from the both of them was that they remained civil, and they were.
What’s funny is that the divorce rules for holidays still apply. One side on Xmas Eve, one on Xmas Day. One on Easter, the other for Thanksgiving… that is if I make it up there.
When I took my ex for child support (after he did not WANT to get a job) the judge considered his and my income and even questioned me in what *I* did to provide better for my child.
Her day in court will come, too.
As the parent that needed the child support though, I also have to say that I am glad that they didn’t let him get away with not paying anything. As of today he is over 20K in the reds. Yeah, a lot of good the order did me, right?
Now that she has filed, it is kind of out of your hands unless she withdraws her request. I was forced to file because I applied for food stamps and medicaid for my son. Any chance the same happened to her? I would not have gotten the services had I not applied.
THAT SAID – the judge pretty much told my ex that unemployed or not, you had a child and it is your responsibility and if the child was living with you, you wold have to provide for her somehow, too. While my heart goes out to you, having seen the “other side”, I am sympathetic to both sides — very much so.
When you go to the hearing, take copies of all kiss-off letters from companies (do NOt rip them up) and copies of all resumes sent out as well as a list of all jobs and companies applied at – to show good effort in trying to better yourself and in an effort to be able to support your child. Keep notes of any and all phone calls made, etc. Had my ex bene able to SHOW that he was trying, he would have had to pay LESS support then he was ordered to later, because the judge instead took the money he COULD have made or was making before beign unemployed rather then what he realistically had available every month at that time.
Delaware’s MINIMUM child support order is $86per month (no order is supposed to be less then 20% of the primary support allowence of $430 per month for ONE child).
If you can provide proof of how much money you have and how many children – you may need to pay only those $86 per month. Yes, it is still money, but it is more managable then 300 or 350 dollars.
Not divorced, but what I would tell the judge is that child support is 100% available in my home. I’d probably bounce pretty far down the courthouse steps….
Anon, not only is child support 100% available in my house — since we’re still married — we even have the “spare teenager.” The younger Miss Pico’s best friend stays with us on almost every non-school night, even though her home is just 1½ blocks away. We feed her, she gets books just like the real daughter when we go to the book store, about the only thing we don’t buy is her clothes. She is even referred to as the “spare daughter,” and she calls us Dad and Mom.
It’s sort of a “there’s always room for one more at the dinner table philosophy.” And we are fortunate not to be in Mr Viti’s employment position.
thanks red