Praise the Lord! It’s a Miracle! Newt Gingrich’s sins have been magically cleansed from his Heavenly record!
How did he do it? He has seen the Light, and given over what passes for his soul to…Catholicism. Seriously. And, (quoting from that leading theologian Gomer Pyle), ‘Suh-prize, Suh-prize’, this conversion just may put him back in the good graces of the Religious Right in plenty of time for a run for the Papacy Presidency in 2012.
Let’s start with what, in other (read Democratic or liberal) hands, would smack of rank hypocrisy (BTW, you must read the entire Alternet article to grasp the true scope of the hypocrisy, it’s a great read):
When Catholic University announced in January 2005 that Newt Gingrich would deliver a speech on campus, a group of students rose up in protest, accusing the twice-divorced, admitted philanderer of violating the Catholic values that their school was founded upon. Four years later, just last week, on March 24, Gingrich blasted another hallowed institution of Catholic higher learning: “It is sad to see Notre Dame invite President Obama to give the commencement address since his policies are so anti-Catholic values,” Gingrich wrote on Twitter of the president’s scheduled May address. What happened?
During the George W. Bush era, Gingrich rose quietly from the ruins of his failed crusade to impeach President Bill Clinton, trying to transform himself from a Republican pariah into a voice of conscience for the badly demoralized conservative movement. The religious-right elements that helped orchestrate Gingrich’s downfall as Speaker of the House became the catalyst for his resurrection and may now propel him into contention for the GOP presidential nomination in 2012. But winning them over has not been easy. Before earning a seat at their table, Gingrich has had to confess his darkest sins and beg for redemption, first on the radio show of his former nemesis, James Dobson, and then before a priest at St. Joseph’s Rectory, a Catholic church on Capitol Hill.
Indeed, on Sunday, March 29, Gingrich converted to Catholicism, the faith of his third wife, Calista Bisek (‘Bulo aside: ‘Memo to cancer-ridden bitch- I’m leaving you for my young blond nubile staff assistant’, her name is Calista, you know, like the TV star). Though the ceremony was announced without fanfare, leading Catholic conservatives like Deal Hudson are brimming with excitement. Hudson was the most important Catholic political adviser to President Bush and Karl Rove, founder of the seminal Catholic journal, Crisis magazine, and self-described “theocon.” He contends that Gingrich’s conversion represents more than a concession to his wife; it signals a dramatic break from the past, both personally and politically.
And, just like that, according to Deal Hudson, who has had his own ‘indiscretions’ in the past, including forcing oral sex on an intoxicated 18-year-old:
“From a Catholic point of view,” Hudson told me, “Newt’s sins no longer exist—they’ve been absolved. He’s made a fresh start in life. So Newt will continue to sin and confess but there aren’t going to be a lot of Catholics who will hold that against him. They understand why being a Catholic makes a difference.”
And, just like that, with the blessing of the Catholic Church, once again respecting the separation between Church and State, Gingrich wrings political opportunism out of religiosity:
With more than $5 million from right-wing casino baron Sheldon Adelson, Gingrich recently founded a conservative nonprofit called Renewing American Leadership. Among the group’s planned activities, which appear coordinated with a who’s who of the Christian right, are a series of “tea party”-style protests against Obama’s economic plan, and the production of a film about Pope John Paul II’s role in bringing down the Soviet Union.
According to Hudson, Gingrich’s outrage over Obama’s speech at Notre Dame was his first act as a Catholic politician. “When I learned he was about to convert, I understood his concern,” Hudson said. “He was worried about the Church he was about to enter.”
With his sins officially expunged, Gingrich appears poised to play a decisive role in the 2012 Republican presidential sweepstakes. Whether or not Gingrich declares his candidacy, Hudson, who advised John McCain in 2008 and plans to participate in the next campaign, says he believes Gingrich has consolidated his influence in the party. “[Gingrich] has gone through a change in his life through his third marriage and he has decided to settle down,” Hudson said. “You’re never too old to settle down.”
Or to turn ‘religion’ into your campaign co-pilot. And just like Dubya, when he was young and foolish, he was ‘young and foolish’.