‘Bulo’s Top 10 2010 Republican Targets-#2

5th Senatorial District-Cathy Cloutier

Caustic film critic Pauline Kael once famously called quasi-film star Don Ameche, “The zero who sings.”

Don Ameche, meet Cathy Cloutier. Like Ameche, Cloutier is likable and well-intentioned.  Like Ameche on film, as a legislator, she’s just there, although sans mustache. Like Ameche, she brings nothing else to the table. And Don Ameche could sing. Passably.

Cathy Cloutier has served for 12 years in the Delaware General Assembly, first filling out the remainder of her late husband Phil Cloutier’s 1997-98 House term, being reelected to the House in 1998, and then winning the Brandywine Hundred  seat of retiring State Sen. Myrna Bair in 2000. Virtually nobody begrudged giving Cloutier the chance to succeed Phil, who was the kind of non-partisan citizen-legislator who can only be found in the Newark area (Liane Sorenson/Terry Schooley) anymore, and who died far too young. 

After a full decade in the General Assembly, however, the entire sum of Cloutier’s notable legislative accomplishments adds up to zero. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. The benches in the back of the Senate chamber object to her being called a ‘backbencher’. And, the way that she runs for reelection has a high ‘ick’ factor, way too high for El Somnambulo.

Specifically, like Blanche DuBois, who always ‘depended on the kindness of strangers’, she has a way of batting her eyelashes and getting men to go all Sir Walter Raleigh on her behalf. She got former degenerate gambler Gerry Fulcher to cheerlead for her on WDEL, and to blast challenger Pat Morrison for even presuming to run against someone as extraordinary as Cloutier. Fulcher disappeared from Cloutier’s life right after her reelection. Looks like he gambled on love and lost, a sucker bet every time. She got usually-tough union leaders to knock on union doors b/c she sweetly promised them a vote. A vote that any Democrat would’ve given them. And, she got bartender/lawyer Mike Kelly to be the only Democrat on her ‘Democrats for Cloutier’ stationery.

Kelly is a particularly instructive case. His family owns Kelly’s Logan House which, BTW, hosts many Democratic fundraisers (Memo to Democrats considering fundraisers: Go elsewhere). In addition to the family business, Kelly practices law, and, as we know, practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect. Faced once again with the threat of losing reelection in 2006, Cloutier got Kelly to agree to fight the never-ending airplane noise case with the FAA on a ‘pro-bono’ basis. This surfaces as an issue every election cycle, and nothing ever gets done (Correction. Democrat Rep. Bryon Short worked with the Philadelphia International Airport, DELDOT, and Sen. Carper’s office to get a noise monitor installed at Bonsall Park.) The Rethugs who have been exploiting this issue for over a decade have never gotten anything done. That’s because the issue is a political winner, although they know that there will never be a satisfactory resolution.

Speaking of…*gaack*,SPLORT, friends, there’s a takeover in…AROWRHHH, bzzzzzzzt……PUNY HUMANS, THE BEAST WHO SLUMBERS HAS FINALLY AWAKENED! HE HAS A MESSAGE FOR ALL YOU ZOMBIE TOOLS IN BRANDYWINE HUNDRED. HELLO-O-O-O! YOU LIVE 20 MINUTES FROM A MAJOR AIRPORT THAT MOST OF YOU USE ALL THE TIME. PUT THOSE DUPONT ENGINEERING DEGREES TO WORK FOR ONCE. YOU.WILL. ALWAYS. HAVE. AIRPLANE. NOISE. THAT IS ALL. DO NOT WAKE ME UP AGAIN OR YOU’LL BE SORRY. NOW, BACK TO THAT MASKED PUNY HUMAN WHO COULDN’T EVEN CHANNEL A UHF STATION WITH A CONVERTER BOX, MUCH LESS THE BEAST WHO SLUMBERS.

‘Bulo must’ve blacked out for a minute or 2. Did anything happen in his absence? No? Where was he? Right, Mike Kelly. Cathy Cloutier has convinced bartender/lawyer Mike Kelly that he will singlehandedly rescue Brandywine Hundred from the evil clutches of thousands of far-less qualified federal attorneys. And it is not as if Kelly has not had some successful pro-bono case work. Unfortunately, the case in question had a Guinness logo on it, or so it has been told to the Beast Who Slumbers. Cloutier has trotted out her Beefcake Barrister at several community meetings. He has talked mostly about himself, with a one page (triple-spaced) summary of his motion thrown in for some variety.   The Feds are reportedly quaking in their jackboots.

12 years into her political career, Cathy Cloutier is still a deer in the headlights. An endangered species brand of deer at that, aka a Republican deer.

Just look at the numbers in the Fifth Senatorial District. The latest registration figures show the district with 12,133 D’s,  9414 R’s, and 6505 I’s. And, if anything, the I’s are trending more D than R in this district now, a distinct change from the way things were right after reapportionment. The numbers get more daunting for the R’s by the month, and the number of people who remember Phil Cloutier drop every month. By the 2010 election, the registration plurality of D’s over R’s should be well over 3000. The registration margin when Cloutier last ran in 2006 was roughly 1500. 

By now, the Democratic tilt in Brandywine Hundred has been well-documented, with Bryon Short, Dennis E. Williams, and Mike Katz winning long-time Rethug strongholds. Unknown, underfunded, but energetic Pat Morrison almost unseated Cloutier in 2006. First-time candidate Morrison got 47.4% of the vote, and would have won if suddenly-chivalrous union leaders had not fallen for Cloutier’s Damsel in Distress act. Unfortunately, Pat will not be able to run in 2010. If she did, she would win.

But so can and will any credible D in the District. By ‘credible’, ‘bulo means anybody other than perennial lazy loser Carl ‘the Tuna’ Colantuono who, one would hope, finally ended one of the most undistinguished runs of losing campaigns in Delaware history by jumping into an ill-fated primary against John Cartier. A quick glance at the Tuna’s finances (as usual, it’s a real short list of contributors) show that his last campaign was underwritten by one…Tommy Gordon.

Some of you may ask, ‘why is it important that this seat flip when the D’s have such a huge majority in the State Senate?” While it’s Inside Baseball, there is a really compelling reason. The Senate is finally on the verge of the tipping point that will consign the Delaware Way hacks to the back benches that have already been Cloutier’s home for almost a decade. A progressive D from this district can seal the deal. People like Adams, DeLuca, Cook and Venables continue to do great harm to the state due to their power. By doing nothing and being ineffectual, Cloutier, granted inadvertently, enables these people.

Cloutier will once again leave the word ‘Republican’ off of all her campaign lit. She will once again have soft-focus pictures of children playing and dappled stallions gazing up at…lowflying aircraft. She will tell people in conspiratorial whispers that she’s ‘really a Democrat’. Kids, real Democrats run as Democrats. 

The path to victory is simple. The Party must make this a high priority. With Markell assuming control of the party apparatus, surely he’ll provide more assistance for this race than the labor-dominated party leaders have done in the past. If the Beast Who Slumbers was in charge of candidate recruitment, he’d be looking real closely at some of the energetic and effective volunteers who helped Bryon Short get reelected. Several of them were first-timers who proved to be excellent door-to-door canvassers. 

Unless circumstances break exactly right, Cathy Cloutier cannot get reelected in 2010. The numbers are too daunting. Sometimes, deer in the headlights become…political roadkill.