Rule #1 when having an affair is to never let the wife find out about the mistress. Silly, because it rarely works out that way – especially if your mistress is a crazy person intent on destroying your marriage. That said, shame on you for juggling love interests, and shame on you for whispering sweet, contradictory lies in each one’s ear, confident that the two would never meet… and compare notes.
Wondering how this relates to the Republican Party? Let’s take a look…
Moderate Republicans are the wives of the party. They were not only reliable votes, they were also trotted out to demonstrate a respectable, steady relationship that deserved recognition. Sorta like… He can’t be all bad, look at who he’s married to. They were also taken for granted and ignored. Moderates became the ultimate trophy wives – decorative and useful when needed, placed on a shelf and told to be quiet when not.
The Far Right are the party’s mistresses. For years they were wooed and pacified with promises that one day their love would leave his wife and marry them. During this time they came to view the wives as the enemy, the sole reason why their lover wasn’t free to be with them. Whatever sympathy they may have felt for the unsuspecting wife vanished, replaced by an absolute certainty that the wife was to blame for their lover’s broken promises, that she was responsible for holding him back. Read: He can never be what he was meant to be as long as he’s saddled with her.
Think I’m off the mark? Then watch the video DV posted last night. Chris Matthews asks Rep. Mike Pence (R) if he believes in evolution. Pence can’t answer the question. Not because he doesn’t have a response, but because he knows that both his moderate “wife” and conservative “mistress” are watching, each waiting for what they consider the right answer.
But the biggest problem for the Republican Party is the fact that the wife has found out about the mistress and is threatening to walk. He’s now beside himself, facing the loss of credibility and respectability he has taken for granted. He’s desperate for things to return to the way they were before. So not happening. For you see, the mistress is thrilled with this turn of events. She’s anxious to take her rightful place at his side, and won’t lose a moments sleep over kicking the wife out the door.
Yes, I did have fun writing this. And, all snark aside, I think this accurately sums up the situation facing the GOP. Whatever choice they make someone will be left feeling betrayed. Right now, they’re desperately trying to make both sides happy. (Like that’s gonna work.) The it’s her or me time has arrived – as was inevitable. In the short term, buckle up for a lot more Spence type non-answers. In the long term… my money’s on the mistress, because even if she doesn’t hold onto him, in the end she’ll make damn sure that if she can’t have him, no one will.