Sick Newton

The other day Unstable Isotope wrote about Newt Gingrich’s tweets from Auschwitz and let’s just say my interest was peaked like when you pass by a car accident or when Charlie Copeland starts a blog, you look because you have no other choice.

So I started following @newtgingrich and it’s not a car wreck —  it’s more like the time when you accidentally cut your hand with a box cutter and then dunked your hand into a bucket of salt water while your neighbor’s pit bull grabbed your calf in a ferocious attempt to rip off your leg. Sorry, Charlie, Newt’s tweets are now my guilty pleasure.

The tweets started started innocently enough with this:

Just arrived in rome to continue filming Pope john paul 2ds nine day visit to poland in 1979 which helped free eastern europe

Okay, I’m with you Newt, you’ve got a film company and your letting us know what’s going on. BTW, I’m sure your film on the Gipper is a hoot wrapped in lies.  I’m kind of wondering why you are in Poland though? Are you the gaffer? Best boy? Grip? Dolly Grip? Key Grip? Inquiring minds want to know!

Then three hours later, this gem:

A bizarre xomplaint on the left is that I tweeted about a federal judge from auschwitz showing disrespect.it is simply false.

I’m not going to criticize Newt for typos, especially when writing at Delaware Liberal, however, I do like the misspelling of the complaint as  xomplaint — it seems like it almost could be a variation of complaint, except only to be used in a stronger context such as:

After taking my brand new car back three times for a strange noise that still has not been fixed, I’ve lodged a xomplaint with the company’s corporate office.

My complaint Newt — notice I’m not using xomplaint here —  is I wonder what you mean by simply false? You did tweet from Auschwitz calling President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee racist, did you not? Oh, wait, you don’t think that’s showing disrespect. That’s right, your party likes to drop the F-bomb on the floor of the Senate. Side note: would it be disrespectful of me to go and take a dump on Reagan’s grave? I just want to know what the rules are? Maybe the fact that you were at Auschwitz and that your comment was political rather than one of reverance, maybe that could be the disrespect everyone is talking about?

And immediately following another quick tweet about filming:

The fact is we filmed about Pope john paul 2’s 1979 visit in krakow and auschwitz tuesday. filmed at czestochova wed. Tweeted on way warsaw

Have you ever met Julia Roberts? Brad Pitt? Or do you just hobnob with the right-wing Hollywood actors?

And then BAM!, Newt, smelling like he hasn’t showered in weeks, comes running out of a darkened alley  like a meth-head on a three-day binge mixed with bad wine and hard liquor, screaming, “Alternative chess bull forth! Alternative chess bull forth!” Or something like that:

Auschwitz is a horrifying experience which reminded me of thee vil of kim jong I’ll and dangers of al qaeda hamas and hezbollah

And then he blathers some more, but I hear Cave like companion wood crop. Don’t blame me, the man just doesn’t make sense. Thank goodness he writes it all down:

Auschwitz is also a reminder that evil men often do what they threaten. An iranian nuclear bomb could lead to a second holocaust

Wowsa. Really? Do you not have an internal editor? I’m not Miss Manners here, but Newt, when you’re at a place that is sacrosanct such as the Vietnam Memorial, Ground Zero, the Gettysburg battlefield, or a say a concentration camp from the Holocaust, you really shouldn’t be trying to make a political point while you’re there.

Look Mr. Disgraced Speaker, lay off the pills Rush gave you, just go sit in back of the plane and pout, maybe practice giving false testimony to a Congressional investigation, or remember those times when, straight out of high school, you married your math teacher, or about when you discussed the possibility of divorce when she lay in a hospital bed. Good times, good times. But for god’s sake man, just leave Auschwitz alone.

P.S.

Newt you then wrote:

@xxxxx I knew you would understand. Chamberlain tried the group hug with hitler and it didn’t work

Dude, you did teach history at the college level, right? What political party campaigned on isolationism in 1940? Just playing.