Look, I understand people are old and using the swipe machine at every freaking checkout counter for about 95% of any transaction you make can be a daunting task perhaps for the first month or two that your pharmacy and grocery store have had them installed. But, this is 2009 you old bastards and both of those places you go use them and have for a good 5 years. Hell, your church is one step from using them. I’d beg to say that your doctor, all 9 of them has been swiping your debit card for the better part of your retirement.
So, my PSA is this:
Get your check card ready. You are going to use it you old bastards. You know it, I know it, the 7 people in line behind your decrepit ass in Velcro pleather shoes know it, my 9 month old son knows it and I have a 95% confidence rate that my 2 dogs even know it. Then, be prepared to push buttons and perhaps use the wand thingy that acts like a magical pen from your Howdy Doody days of Television. You don’t want cash back because yes, the Taliban could rob you on your way out of the store.
Also, If your eyes are failing, which based on how you drive I’m also confident they are, get your glasses ready, even go ahead and buy one of those chain thingy things that librarians use so you don’t have to worry about leaving them in the car and asking your spouse where you put them. Your old, it’s ok, wearing those wont make you look “older”. We got you pegged for 60 plus and after that we could care less about how old you are, your old end of story there are only varying degrees of oldness at this point.
Now, this is the important part. Once you see the cashier finish scanning your heart medicine and your 30 day supply of suppositories it is safe to assume you can get out your card and have it all ready to go. Assuming you were going to pay for the merchandise it is even safer to assume you could have had the freaking card ready prior to walking in to Rite Aid. Now, we readers and my extended family as described above all have a level of tolerance but, these transactions are no longer new. We have given you the benefit of the doubt for the better part of this decade.
Get your shit together. Enough is enough, all TV’s are digital for God’s sakes it is time to put away the change purse.
Thank you