The 19 Commandments of the Republican Party
This is from frequently hilarious commenter Dickday over at TPMCafe (caps are his, but imagine Fred Thompson’s voice reading this):
- I, THE REPUB PARTY AM THE LORD THY GOD, (OR AT LEAST I AM ON GOOD TERMS WITH HIM) AND THOU SHALT NOT PUT FALSE GODS OR PARTIES BEFORE ME.
- WHATEVER YOU DO, ITS ALL RIGHT WITH ME, JUST DO NOT GET CAUGHT.
- IF YOU DO GET CAUGHT, STAY AWAY FROM ME FOR AWHILE UNTIL YOU ARE REBORN.
- IF YOU GIVE A SPEECH, APPEAR AT A CAMPAIGN RALLY, OR WIN A GOLF TOURNAMENT, ALWAYS THANK ME FIRST.
- ONLY THROUGH ME CAN YOU REACH TRUE HEAVEN ON EARTH.
- WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GET CAUGHT.
- THOU SHALT NOT STEAL, OR LIE, OR COVET BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GET CAUGHT.
- THE MORE MONEY YOU HAVE THE MORE MONEY YOU SHOULD EARN AND THE MORE MONEY YOU EARN THE MORE YOU CAN PAY ME AND THE POOL BOY IF YOU SO DESIRE; and remember, all contributions to my financial committees are tax deductible.
- IMMIGRATION IS A BAD THING NORMALLY, BUT HISPANICS MAKE THE BEST GARDENERS.
- EVOLUTION IS BAD AS A CONCEPT OR THEORY. THE EARTH CANNOT BE THAT OLD, IF IT WERE, ALL MY MEMBERS WOULD HAVE A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT MORE MONEY.
- THE PEASANTS ARE REVOLTING.
- TRY TO KEEP THE PEASANTS FROM REVOLTING BUT BASICALLY ALWAYS REMEMBER, THE PEASANTS ARE REVOLTING ANYWAY.
- FEAR OF THE LORD IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT BUT FOR VOTES THOU MUST INSTILL FEAR IN THE ELECTORATE: FEAR OF COMMUNISM, SOCIALISM, LIBERALISM, HOMOSEXUALISM, TERRORISM, MUSLIMISM, ATHEISM, AND PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LOOK LIKE US WILL GET YOU ELECTED EVERY TIME.
- REMEMBER, ONLY THROUGH ME WILL YOU SEE THE KINGDOM OF GOD ON EARTH
- THOU SHALT NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT. TRY NOT TO STEAL, DIRECTLY ANYWAY, FROM ANOTHER MEMBER OF MY PARTY–WHATEVER THOU DOEST, DO NOT GET CAUGHT.
- ALWAYS GET YOUR MONEY UP FRONT AND COLLECT ENOUGH INFORMATION SO THAT IF NOTHING ELSE WORKS AT LEAST YOU GOT THE GOODS ON THE OTHER GUY.
- WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, BLAME SOMEBODY ELSE, BUT THOU SHALL TRY TO BLAME THE CLOSEST DEM.
- PAY MINORITIES WHO WORK FOR MY COMMITTEES A LOT MORE THAN WHITES SO THAT MY COUNTENANCE SHALL HAVE THE PROPER FACE; EVEN SOME MINORITIES WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY. (OH AND FIND OUT WHAT THEY PUT IN JUSTICE THOMAS’ TEA AND ATTEMPT TO MASS PRODUCE AND PUT IT IN THE FOODS OF THOSE WHO RESIDE IN THE INNER CITY)
- DO NOT, EVER, BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST ANYONE IN THE PRESENCE OF A FEDERAL PROSECUTOR OR HIS HENCHMEN. IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME JUST ASK SCOOTER.
You know you are around Real Republicans when they tell you these are their 10 Party Commandments. Numbers aren’t their strong suit.
Tags: Republican Bamboozlement
Why be a Republican:
I BELIEVE that people have the power over the government, protecting the person’s dignity, freedom, ability, and responsibility
I BELIEVE that government shall be limited to supporting the people instead of bureaucracy
I BELIEVE that government shall represent an individual person, not a special interest group
I BELIEVE that the centralized power is to the people
I BELIEVE in a free-enterprise system, which gave this nation opportunity, economic growth and prosperity
I BELIEVE that government shall practice fiscal responsibility by reducing government spending, lowering the taxes, and cut costly and unnecessary government programs
I BELIEVE that lower taxes, especially the Bush tax cuts, will strengthen our economy, create new jobs, and people will have the benefit of more money in their pockets
I BELIEVE that tax increases would create a barrier in job creation
I BELIEVE that tax increases should be up to the people, not the government, to prevent too much power in the government
I BELIEVE that a stronger military can be possible by following the philosophy, “Peace and freedom through strength.”
I BELIEVE America is a nation of LIBERATORS,
I BELIEVE that Democrats stress a strong central government bureacracy that takes away power from the people
I BELIEVE that Democrats “enjoy” spending a lot of taxpayer money and raising taxes
I BELIEVE that Democrats turn away from the Constitution and go their own way
I BELIEVE that Democrats care more on special interest groups than on the people
I BELIEVE that Democrats should act like Democrats instead of Federalists or Statists (should be more to the Right instead of the Left)
I BELIEVE that Democrats want to make things up to win instead of getting the facts
I BELIEVE that the Left is putting Christians and American History at war for taking away historical things and those that have religion on it
I BELIEVE that an individual should defend his/her position instead of changing his/her position (flip-flopping; Sen. John Kerry: “I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it”)
I BELIEVE in Thomas Jefferson’s political views that opposes political parties, taxes, and believes in a government limited in size and scope (A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat, by Sen. Zell Miller; p3)
Not my words but they sound pretty good.
Mike Protack
Consider yourself warned — cutting and pasting other people’s content with no attribution is not kosher. Provide a link or reasonable attribution or your posts will be edited to remove the content that is not yours.
If we did that all that would be left is…
Mike Protack
The empty suit.
There’s some symmetry in that, I think.