I had a real craving today and as the weekend gets closer the cravings are getting more pronounced. I really wanted a beer today and felt my body really looking forward to Friday. I pass by Brewer’s Outlet everyday and the past few weeks have been stopping in on Friday’s to grab a case for the weekend festivities. I usually bring a 6 or 12 to a friends to compensate for my aggregious face stuffing among other things. Then that leaves a 12 pack for me at the house and for the rest of the week. These are the kind of things I have to adjust too.
But the problem isn’t just adjusting a pattern. It is adjusting my behavior. The habit, addictive habit, of making a habit of stopping at a liquor store every friday for a case of beer. 4 cases a month. $20 a week at least. Not to mention the drowning my liver takes 🙂 But the beer, the beer is so good. It taste so damn awesome. I just spent a week in Amsterdam drinking real Amstel and Heinekens.
I’m not sure how many times I thought about a drink today but it definitely eclipsed 50 is my guess. I may be thinking aboout it more b/c I’m giving it up, but the craving I had today was real, very real. It was a different craving than the past few days. I could taste the beer. I saw the bottle and imagined drinking it. The taste flowing over my pallet. The “ahhh” that follows the first sip of a freshly popped pale ale. It was palpabable. It was a little scary because it was real. It was my body TELLING me it needs, not wants, needs a beer.
The Mrs. Viti and I had a little tiff today and at one point I started to say fuck it and was just going to drink. A commenter on my day one post said,
“there is always an excuse to drink and a reason no too”
I’m sure that is something they say at AA. One of the may one liners they have at the ready. I repeated that one over and over after I read it and it really does make sense. My saying f’ it to this commitment 3 days in after an arguement with the wife was an excuse…but it was also a reason not too. I think that saying is going to stick with me. I just hope I don’t get the order wrong and find a reason to drink and excuse as to why I did.