Apparently, NPR’s Garrison Keillor is on Bill O’Reilly’s side regarding the War On Christmas. OK, weird, but that’s not the part that bothers me. Check out this little excerpt from his screed in Wednesday’s Baltimore Sun, whereupon he’s quite angry about a somewhat secularized version of “Silent Night” sung at a Unitarian church in Cambridge, Massachusetts:
Unitarians listen to the Inner Voice and so they have no creed that they all stand up and recite in unison, and that’s their perfect right, but it is wrong, wrong, wrong to rewrite “Silent Night.” If you don’t believe Jesus was God, OK, go write your own damn “Silent Night” and leave ours alone. This is spiritual piracy and cultural elitism, and we Christians have stood for it long enough. And all those lousy holiday songs by Jewish guys that trash up the malls every year, Rudolph and the chestnuts and the rest of that dreck. Did one of our guys write “Grab your loafers, come along if you wanna, and we’ll blow that shofar for Rosh Hashanah”? No, we didn’t.
OK, two things:
- You don’t like anyone messing with “Silent Night” – that’s fine by me. But that does not give you the right to shit on Unitarianism. If you don’t like what they believe (or not believe or mix-believe) and how they choose to celebrate, too bad. This is America.
- Let me get this straight. You’re blaming the Jews for shitty Christmas music? Are you fucking kidding me? Jews hate Christmas music. Leave us the fuck alone. Nothing would make us happier than being able to go to the mall in December without being accosted by Rudolph the Goddamn Red-Nosed Fucking Reindeer and all that other crap. Yes, Irving Berlin and some other Jews wrote some Christmas music, but we didn’t force it on the populace. Christians did that. “Jingle Bells” and “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” were written by Christians – how are they any better than “White Christmas” or “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire)”? As for Christians writing songs for Jewish holidays, Orrin Hatch already did that and it annoys the crap out of me. But more to the point, if someone wrote a commercial song for Rosh Hashanah, it wouldn’t catch on no matter what religion the writer belonged to, because Jewish holidays aren’t supposed to be commercial. And Keillor, if you think Christmas shouldn’t be so commercial either, I support you! But don’t blame my people for what your people did to your own holiday. It doesn’t matter who wrote the damn songs.
So, seriously, Prairie Home Companion? Not going to be listening any more.