Here are my personal favorites, courtesy of Unofficial Roast Master and VP Joe Biden
On Liz Cheney: Liz Cheney is questioning whether Tom Brady is a real patriot! What the hell, it was worth a try.
On reporters: You guys know the truth. Sometimes.
On Fox News: There were never any snakes in Ireland. St. Patrick just made that up. Which for the first time is when I realized he is the patron saint of Fox news.
On life in Washington: I actually now have a house in Washington D.C. for the first time. I voted for public housing my whole career I never realized it was this good.
On Rahm: Senior White House Advisor means Rahm.
snip
By the way, Rahm was only pointing his finger.
On Dick Morris: When Dick Morris is quick to point our every time I put my foot in my mouth, well, Dick, at least it’s my foot.
On the Stimulus and Sen. Scott Brown: Republicans keep saying it (the stimulus) hasn’t created a single job. Well tell that to Senator Scott Brown.
By the way, speaking of Scott, it’s kinda ironic, the man who posed with his pants down caught us with our pants off. Funny how that works.
On Sarah Palin and GOP obstruction: In fairness, I think you are a little rough on the Republicans for constantly repeating the mantra The Health Care Bill is 200 and 22 pages long! Well put yourself in their spot. Just ask Sarah, that’s a hell of a lot to write on the palm of your hand!
On Dogs and Democrats: Sasha and Melia weren’t the only ones who to get a dog when they got to Washington. I got one too. His name is Champ. You can see, you can see that he is a Democratic dog, he’s biting the hand that feeds him.