On Friday there was another debate over gender specific terms. I would like to take this opportunity to give you the female perspective on this issue, and, perhaps, engage in a little consciousness raising.
First, saying a female “has balls” is not a compliment. It is a way to say that a female has achieved the ultimate honor of being, or acting, male. It says that she has somehow crossed gender lines, abandoned her own sex for the better, stronger sex.
Before I continue, allow me to confess that I have used all these gender terms in the past. I never liked them, and was always quick to point out how unfair they were to women, but use them, I did – very effectively. It seems male genitalia is very vulnerable to words. It comes down to this: Want to insult someone? Call them a female body part.
But a few years ago I stopped cold turkey. My daughter entered middle school and overnight I went from participant to observer, and what I saw (and heard) visibly upset me. When these words were first tossed her way she was hurt and confused and embarrassed. We spent many hours discussing language. Little by little these conversations tapered off – not because we resolved anything, but because she was becoming accustomed to the words.
Talk about a wake up call. She was following the same path I, and almost every other female, had taken. Her initial reaction to these words was correct, but society told her that calling someone a pussy was acceptable and the same as calling them loser, and that saying someone had balls was a compliment. Stop making a big deal over nothing, she was told, and when continued to argue she was told to lighten up (or to stop being a bitch), they were just words.
They aren’t just words. They are insults to women. Saying Hillary Clinton has balls is not the ultimate compliment. It is an insult. What we’re saying is she acted like a man and that’s a good thing. Translation: Thank goodness, she didn’t act like a woman! What a disaster that would have been!
I realize a lot of men reading this are shaking their heads and thinking I’m over-reacting, some might even think I’m emotional or hysterical, but I’d say those thoughts are coming from the position of male privilege – yeah, I went there.
Let’s go here next: Men don’t get to decide what offends women. Funny, how we accept this rule, and play by it, when it comes to other groups. As liberals/progressives we are the first to fight against language we consider racist or bigoted. We flipped out when anyone called President Obama boy. We don’t tolerate the N word against blacks, the S word against Hispanics, etc.. We will delete and ban commenters who call gays the F word. But if you want to call a woman a bitch or a man a pussy… well then, that’s just fine. And if you say that a woman or man has balls then I need to chill out and be honored.
Everyone might also like to remember that there was a time when racist and bigoted words were commonly accepted in society and that the people who were offended by them were told they were over-reacting. Try throwing those words around in a group full of strangers today.
So, what happened to make racist and bigoted words unacceptable in society?
We happened.
We could happen again.