Technology Etiquette
Yeah, I’m on a pet peeve roll, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
I love technology as much as the next person, and I shudder to think how much time I spend with my gadgets, but there are times to put the damned gadgets away. Dining with other humans is the first instance that comes to mind. It seems placing your smart phone on the table is as much a ritual as placing a napkin on your lap. And I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve sat at a table with friends, enjoying conversation, while one of us is texting, tweeting, or surfing.
It’s rude.
And I’m not the only one who’s complaining:
I’ve gotten progressively ruder with my friends, who, even when just hanging out in the evening, keep their iPhones and Blackberrys in their hands. I understand the desire to check your email, stocks, Facebook wall, OKCupid or Grindr message in those moments when you simply have to walk or sit on a train or scarf some lunchtime Chipotle. But when you are actually among people you know, the act of glancing down at your mobile device is simply bad manners. It states absolutely that your current interaction is not as important or as interesting as any number of online connections. It’s rude. And it misses the point.
The point is that these devices can enhance your social life, not replace it. And yet they seem like cuckoos in our social nest. I know I’m not one to talk. I communicate directly with probably ten times the number of people online that I do by face or physical presence. (Summers in Provincetown change that ratio dramatically, thank God.) But I try not to do both at once.
I’ve become progressively ruder with my friends, as well. It’s like the person who’s always looking past your shoulder during a conversation searching for someone “better” to talk with. But, hey, maybe I’m boring!
At the Pandora household technology is banned at the dinner table. There are exceptions in certain cases (work/school related, illness, etc.), but these situations must be announced. Example: I’m expecting a call from work about X, and I need to take it. Fine, but when that call comes in the person must leave the table.
What I’m talking about is basic manners. No one wants to sit at a table and listen to your phone conversation. No one wants to be kept apprised of your latest Tweet or what someone said on Facebook. We won’t die if we don’t find out what Donald Trump said the second he said it. And it’s not that I’m not interested in this stuff, it’s that there’s a time and a place.
Besides, it could be making you stupid.
….But here’s the thing: there is convincing evidence that this inveterate multitasking has a serious, measurable and long lasting negative effect on cognitive function. Look up Stanford psychologist Clifford Nass sometime. There’s a lovely episode of Frontline from a year or so ago featuring him. He has shown that multitaskers are not only bad at multitasking, but they are also worse than nonmultitaskers on every individual one of the tasks.
That’s the millennial student and it isn’t something to be catered to. Put the damn iPhone down before you make yourself stupid.
Guess what else is growing around the dining table. The number of times someone glued to their technology says, “Huh? What did you say?” So… if you are out socializing with friends (me!) put the technology away, or… stay home.
Who’s with me! Or… against me. 🙂
Tags: technology
Wonder if these are illegal.
http://www.thesignaljammer.com/products/Cell-Phone-Blocker-Mini.html
Cell phones et al not allowed at our dinner table and not allowed during homework time.
The only time I generally think it appropriate to check messages or answer phones while out is when we are out with friends and the kids are at different locations. Then we make sure we tell them before the meal starts that if we get a message or a call from one of the kids (“my ride didn’t show up and I’m stranded” comes to mind) that we will excuse ourselves and take it. No one has ever objected to that so far.
Im with ya. I resisted facebook for a very long time until it became necessary to promote my band…. now im an addict. I still have no twitter account and never ever will.
Funny story. One this i HATE is people on their cell phones at the counter at a store. When I used to work at a coffee shop that will go nameless, If people were having loud conversations on their phone (i say loud, because they would talk over all the other cafe noise) I would turn on all the steam ports, fill both blenders with ice and turn em on, turn on all the coffee grinders…. everything I could do to make it as loud as possible without letting on to what i was doing. The really stubborn ones would just keep yelling into their phone for a little while but eventually everyone wither hung up or walked away.
Another awkward situation is driving a car when your passenger gets into a loud argument with their spouse. I LOVE good fight, but married people arguments are worse than nails on a chalk board. (im sure it isnt pleasant to the people in the argument either, but I couldnt care less about who’s job it is to clean up the dishes and why it means the marriage is in trouble because the wrong lid was used to put the soup away)
It is amazingly rude to bring the iphone, etc., to the dinner table. We are all adults in my family but one extended member (he’s my niece’s significant) brings his games to the table at every family gathering. I’ve mentioned that I think it is rude but he keeps doing it — I gather he’s just addicted. Over time the rest of the clan has started to simply ignore him. He sits and eats with us but isn’t included in the social discourse. He’s built a cone of silence around himself. Maybe that’s the only way he can stand our company? I dunno, but the family is keeping our fingers crossed that this relationship doesn’t progress.
Next time, Auntie Dem, set up a kid’s table just for him!
And if you’ve mentioned that you think it’s rude and he still continues the behavior then you should invite your niece only and set an iphone/blackberry at his assigned seat at the table.
While I generally agree with this post (the only time one of my friends generally whips out a phone during a meal is to settle a dispute with the ultimate arbitar: Google) I do sort of resent the anti-millenial bent at the end. It’s exactly this sort of stuff that makes millenials a target at their baby-boomer run offices. Our earrings/tattoos/whatever are gross, we multi-task too much, we don’t wear appropriate work attire (which for some reason only is applied to female workers under 30 in my office), we’re lazy, we’re entitled. I’m sorry, I’m a professional too, and I know how to use your computer better than you. I have a marketable skill-set thank you.
My experience is that the reluctance to disconnect from your technology isn’t just a millenials problem. But Auntie Dem gets to exactly why this behavior is so annoying — it does create an effective cone of silence around the person who doesn’t detach. And it leaves the rest of the people at the table sort of helpless — do you try to engage this person or is this a signal that they don’t want to be bothered with your company?
Millenials? Are you kidding? The worst offenders are the middle-aged non-technical folks suddenly discovering how to use the Internet how that Facebook and Twitter have dumbed it down enough for them.
And also the folks who just want to show off their iStatus symbol.
Geeks have always had social media; except that it wasn’t owned by corporations:
Twitter = IRC
Blogs/Facebook = Mailing lists, USENET
At least in the US, Facebook and Twitter is for refugees fleeing from the democratic bazaar of the real Internet and email, seeking a gated community with servants, and upscale neighbors only.
I agree. It isn’t just a millenial problem. Rudeness has no age limits.
When you’re at a table with one of these people it’s more than a cone… the people on either side of them are cut off to a degree, as well. I call it the dead zone – especially when the person on the gadget leans towards the table, effectively creating an wall.
At a family dinner with one of these people, it would be fun to smoothly shift the topic and start telling embarrassing stories from their past, until they are finally distracted from their gadget by peals of laughter.
Pandora,
You’re absolutely right. Thanks for posting this!!! People just feel the constant need to multi-task, as if it makes them more efficient…
Which is not really the case, you’re more efficient if you do one thing at a time and focus your energy on that thing. Plus, it is really annoying talking to people who are looking at their phones. I have no idea whether they’re listening to me or not…
Technology, now with enhanced rude-didity.
I think it is illegal to jam a phone signal.
http://wireless.fcc.gov/services/index.htm?job=operations_2&id=cellular
nice article, really..
can i put some words/paragraph for my website? i need your answer, thanks..
This post almost caused me a biological mishap. The viewable portion prior to expanding the post was a hot babe (Pandora), talking about her gadgets.
I briefly misunderstood.
I’ve been on two or three dates since my divorce. it’s been almost 10 years since I had been dating.. and the difference is astronomical.
I can’t stand texting/facebooking/twittering during a date. WTF is that about? Am I THAT boring?
Now I know my work can be time consuming and many things get run by me when I’m out of the shop.. but even I silence the phone and put it away when I’m in a restaurant.
Yeah.. it’s rude. Incredibly rude. Rude to who you’re with, rude to those dining around you.
wonder how many of the above posts were made with mobile devices durring social situations?????
YES, order another round. oops, ment to say that outloud, not thumb type it.