So, what is the Rapture anyway?

Tomorrow is at least the 3rd time I recall the Rapture being predicted in my lifetime.

But what is it anyway? It is not the end of the world. It is more like an prologue to a book about the end of the world, and it is a long big ass book.

The Second Coming of Christ will occur in stages. First, He will remove all Christians from the Earth, to protect them. This is called “The Rapture.”

Now, most evangelical Christians I meet say it is not enough to just be Christian, you must be a believer. And it is not enough to believe in just Jesus Christ, but you must believe in pretty much every literal word of the Bible. For example, I have been told that I will be left behind because I believe in evolution, rather than the Genesis story (it is called a story for a reason folks).

But anyway, let’s assume here that God is a liberal God and not an angry hateful discriminating conservative God, and takes all Christians away.

After The Rapture, God will begin executing judgments against unbelievers, during a period called the Tribulation.

According to this guy Camping who predicted tomorrow as the Rapture, this Tribulation period will last until October 21. Other predictions and interpretations have it going on for years and years.

At the end of the Tribulation all nations will attack Israel, and Jesus Christ will physically return, leading the armies of heaven. At the Battle of Armageddon they will destroy everyone who is not a believer [while also fighting Satan, who also is in physical form]. Then Satan will be bound, and Jesus will set up the Millennial Kingdom, headquartered in Jerusalem. Jesus and the saints will rule over the nations of the Earth for a thousand years. During this period there will be people born who are not loyal to Christ. However, it usually will not be obvious. Therefore, at the end of the thousand-year period, God will release Satan and let him tempt those who inhabit the Earth. A large group will take up arms against the Lord and be defeated. Then, Christ will judge all who have ever lived, giving rewards to some and punishment to others. Those who were “destroyed” will be cast into the Lake of Fire, i.e., Hell. After that, God will destroy heaven and Earth because they have been polluted by sin. He will create a new heaven and a new Earth, put those who were saved on the new Earth, and rule it forever.

The one thing I take away from this story is that Jesus is not a big fan of Democracy and voting rights. “He will rule the Earth and all its nations for a thousand years?” Really? Who elected him? No term limits?

Another thing I take away from this story is that the Rapture and the subsequent Tribulation and the still further subsequent Thousand Year Kingdom and much further Second Battle of Armageddon (because a sequel would be so cool) is that it is all a prolonged example of incompetence. George W. Bush writ large on a biblical scale. I mean, after Jesus and the Saints destroy all nonbelievers in the first Battle of Armageddon, they somehow allow more nonbelievers to exist or be created, and they allow Satan to go on living, albeit bound. And then they release Satan after a thousand years, just to see what happens. What the fuck?

This Rapture story makes Jesus look like a Dr. Evil, or any Bond villain, in creating a very elaborate death scene for Austin Powers (sharks with freakin laser beams), and leaving the lair assuming that the deed is done.

Reading the Rapture story makes me less a believer, to be frank. I mean, I want my omnipotent God to not let Satan go once he has been captured. It really is not too much to ask.

Anyway, that’s what the Rapture is all about.

I think I am going to convert to Judaism.