Fighting Abnormal (And Fake) Body Images As The Mother Of A 14 Year Old Girl
My 14 year old daughter wears a size 0 and still thinks she’s not skinny enough. It’s enough to make me want to pull my hair out. I want to scream when her friends come over and the discussion spirals into what’s wrong with my body. Granted, their focus is on their bodies only, and they’re quick to come to each others’ defense. Also, they don’t attack someone for their weight or their looks, which, I guess, is a step in the right direction.
But… they are ridiculously hard on themselves. If you’d like to know why take a look at this website. Here’s one image.
Filippa Hamilton naturally and then after some moron at Ralph Lauren photoshopped her into an alien. Maybe they have a fetish, who knows.
This is what is bombarding our sons and daughters. And while girls are hard on themselves, the boys are piling on. The number of times I’ve bitten my tongue when a boy – who will never be a future Calvin Klein model, but feels he has the right to comment on a girl’s looks – makes fun of a girls’ weight is in the thousands. Seriously, how can I preach about not attacking someone on their looks and then turn around and decimate the little toad? Answer: I can’t. But if I did I’d have that punk in therapy for the rest of his life – which might be personally satisfying, but wouldn’t accomplish anything.
But someone is trying to accomplish something. (Warning: Naked photos – which now means you’ll click the link)
A magazine dedicated to plus-size fashion and models has sparked controversy with a feature claiming that most runway models meet the Body Mass Index criteria for anorexia.
Accompanied by a bold shoot that sees a nude plus-size model posing alongside a skinny ‘straight-size’ model, PLUS Model Magazine says it aims to encourage plus-size consumers to pressure retailers to better cater to them, and stop promoting a skinny ideal.
Size 12 (U.S.) model Katya Zharkova, 28, stars in the shoot, which has a powerful statistic accompanying each image.
One, printed alongside a photo of the Russian beauty holding a tape measure across her rear, reads: ‘Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.’
Tags: Women Issues
‘Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.’
This is truly amazing — and you wonder exactly *how* this came to be. There are stories galore about how fashion models damn near starve themselves to work. There are some walking down runways that I expect to see break right before my eyes, and in some photos, I wonder who actually thinks that these clothes look good on this kid?
There’s a real tyranny going on here with fashion and entertainment industry types working at normalizing a very unhealthy look (and existence) for women. I used to read a number of fashion magazines routinely and have pretty much stopped because these fragile-looking women don’t look anything like the women I see day to day.
It is so frustrating and nearly impossible to counter the images women/girls are being bombarded with. Put simply, on an intellectual level my daughter knows what I’m saying about her body is correct, but on the emotional level she falls victim every time.
If I hear one more time “Does this outfit make me look fat” I will lose it. We even had a bout with crazy dieting. Mr. Pandora and I put a stop to that by threatening to pull her out of every activity she loves.
Why is “Does this outfit make me look fat?” a frustrating question?
If you weren’t fat, would you want to go around looking as though you were fat?
Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce Phil – part of the problem.
Not to take away from the seriousness of the twisted “ideal” body types shown in ads and in entertainment, why do women let designers and labels get away with the arbitrary sizing? I can’t even shop for gifts for my girlfriend because there is no consistency in sizes. It’s my understanding that manufacturers denote clothing sizes to appeal to a woman’s ego – what size they want to be rather than what size they actually are. WTF is a size zero?!? Women need to handle this nonsense.
With the advent of “relaxed fit” jeans, I have remained the same size for years. One day though they may have to invent “relaxier.”
Why don’t you go ahead and answer the question, Pandora?
Unless you really believe there’s nothing wrong with being or looking fat? Are you in favor of childhood obesity? Read my question again if you think I’m part of the problem, because you are obviously having trouble parsing my language.
“It is so frustrating and nearly impossible to counter the images women/girls are being bombarded with.”
No it’s not. Get rid of your television. Do that and the problem pretty much disappears, because without the TV, the fashion and celebrity magazines won’t hold much appeal.
If you weren’t fat, would you want to go around looking as though you were fat?
Is it possible for a size 0 girl to look “fat?” Because that’s the point. Body image for women is distorted.
Also… you obviously believe there’s something wrong with being or looking fat. And I’m not writing a post on the health risks associated with obesity, but you know that. Which leads me to believe that you’re okay with these unrealistic and unhealthy – since you’re so concerned with health – images being served up to women and men.
And it is noted that your concern for “health” only covers those deemed as “fat.” So yeah, you’re part of the problem.
Before we had skinny models in color glossy catalogs, clothes were drawn onto full-page department-store newspaper ads featuring impossibly elongated women drawn in pen and ink, looking a lot like the Photo-shopped model on the right (only better-dressed). Anybody remember those Braunstein, Kennards, Wanamakers ads in the Sunday paper? That’s what our mothers and grandmothers were looking at when they wanted to buy frocks.
There is a pretty big difference in looking at sketch models vs. flesh and blood models. Even the clothes were an idealized version as sketched by the artist, unlike photos and videos. Not many women would be idealizing a pencil sketch — it is by definition fake.
Joe Cass makes a great point, though. Women could pretty easily kill this whole business by picking one designer and not buying those clothes for a year.
I was only airing my grievance about the numerical sizing. The health issue is deadly serious. Why not have women from Darfur or Somalia model the newest designs? “This,American women, is what a size zero truly is.”
Phil, for young ladies in this country eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are far more dangerous than obesity. I had the unfortunate experience to be close to many young girls who had to be institutionalized because they could never achieve their version of “not fat”. Obesity has a place in a discussion but not this one.
Having tended privately to a top model of bygone days in her physical care, you don’t want your daughter going anywhere near the stinkin’ thinkin’ of what defines thin. And this model would be the first to tell you, as she lives or rather survives after multiple strokes, suicide attempts, addiction, and now a colostomy from the havoc she played on her body. She laughs (and has a wonderful wit), of her trifecta of appearing on the cover of 3 fashion magazines, all in the same month, and the folly of her industry. She stumbled into the business, and prides herself on the fact she raised her children not to follow in her footsteps.
14 and not thin enough, may not need “red alert” intervention, as that is a typical teen topic, but intentional conversations need to be going on about the “craziness” of caloric restriction, purging etc., and the reality of Manhattan to photo shop,and airbrush. You tell that child that “fit” looks fine, and more importantly can enjoy life. A diet of cigarettes, water, lemon slices, tabasco sauce, and a line of coke, will leave her hair without luster! And I’m here to tell you, that up close and personal these chicks have horrid skin, and bony protrusions that would scare anyone away, but drape well to a camera lens to sell clothes.Make-up is their best friend,to complement the non 3D camera. And as her mother, you assure her, you will always look after her welfare, IF she is getting too chunky, and will address it nicely then, but knock it off for now.
And don’t be fooled. Males too are getting caught up in this craziness of 6 pak abs., and purging etc..The numbers are in and it’s an alarming new trend.
“Is it possible for a size 0 girl to look “fat?””
Yes, there are clothes that could make her look fat. That’s what she’s trying to avoid. Why do you have such a problem with that?
She’s obviously worked hard to keep her thin figure, and doesn’t want to throw all that hard work down the drain wearing something baggy, or puffy, or otherwise unflattering.
Nothing you’ve said makes me think your kid has any actual problem at all, yet. Your constant hovering and hysteria may drive her to develop a complex though.
My daughter is 7 going on 13, and I’m almost more afraid of body image / eating issues than when she discovers boys. I’m a guy, and don’t have even the slightest frame of reference for dealing with this sort of thing. It’s terrifying.
She’s obviously worked hard to keep her thin figure
Phil, her daughter is 14. Body image shouldn’t even be a consideration! We’re talking about children.
Nothing you’ve said makes me think your kid has any actual problem at all
Thank you, Dr. Phil.
So did anybody watch the Golden Globes (or clips thereof) with your kids? What kinds of things did you say when the skinny starlets made their red-carpet entrances?
I’m not so sure the models have all that much to do with it:
That’s not from me, that’s from the Mayo Clinic.
Phil:
“Is it possible for a size 0 girl to look “fat?””
Yes, there are clothes that could make her look fat.
Like I said, part of the problem.
Anon: It’s very difficult to maneuver through, but your awareness will make it easier, mainly because you don’t think there are clothes that can make a size 0 girl look fat.
Puck: Who watches the Golden Globes? 😉
And when it comes to anorexia equating thinness with self-worth, who is reenforcing the message of what’s worthy? And it’s not only the models, since even these girls aren’t thin enough… hence the photoshopping.
So, Pandora, what you’re saying is that you have no idea how to counter my argument, so you will just repeat a mantra over and over again. Good for you.
This is going to sound “old-fashioned”, Pandora, but I still believe in it. I’m sure you know all this, but perhaps a little reinforcement won’t hurt any.
So keep repeating the message; it should eventually sink in.
Moreover, you buy her clothes, which means your influence can be asserted. Skin tight and revealing clothes are to be avoided like the plague.
Control of the TV and movie choices is important. Most fourteens are not mature or wise enough to make appropriate choices, and are easily influenced by peers and the media and the internet, so reasoned censorship is in order.
Lots of family involvement in TV watching together and going to movies together is great, making for plenty of conversation opportunities on both fun, educational, and controversial topics.
We never permitted our two children, daughters, to have a TV in their bedrooms; focus was on watching and doing things together, with their friends included. It turned our home into a main gathering place for kids; my wife being a stay-at-home mom until our girls were nearing graduation from HS, was very important.
The old adage of keeping the child busy with projects, trips, volunteerism, and family activities, with friends invited as well, focuses attention away from preoccupation with self.
We were even strict about the use of the phone, especially on school nights. Homework and studying were first priority and was done in the bedroom, not in front of the TV.
We had one computer, which was in the spare bedroom. This was pre-laptop time, and computers were expensive, so neither daughter had a computer in their room, let alone internet connections, like it is today. And then there are the cell phones we did not have then. I understand the challenge there. I advocate strict control with inspections of the gadget as a possibility, but only to be invoked when necessary, not as a routine.
Bottom line is to limit these advertisements and extraneous messages from filtering in, and, to not be shy about rules and the enforcement thereof, standing firm with all the threats and screaming that may be the reaction at times.
Yes, sure, we raised ours a generation ago and times have changed, presenting greater parental challenges than then. Nevertheless, stand firm, and have fun with the healthier family activities.
Speaking of daughters, we’re just home from celebrating our eldest grandaughter’s Bat Mitzvah on Saturday, a simply thrilling experience to see this child/young lady carry out her part of the ceremony, a definite high point of my entire life experience, seeing it all coming together, an experience from which there will be no recovery ever, if you know what I mean! And we’re not even Jewish! Our daughter’s husband is Jewish, so their pre-marital agreement is being fulfilled as promised. I admire the culture and traditions which I have witnessed. But that’s another topic.
What is your argument? You think it’s possible for someone who is a size 0 to look fat. I disagree. Perhaps, you can produce a picture to make your point.
All too often people use the word fat in the same way they would use the word unattractive, which is part of the problem here. There is little chance that someone in a Size 0 dress would look fat, but may be unattractive or unappealing in said dress. And since we aren’t communicating clearly, the wrong messages get heard and acted on reinforcing really horrible body images. So in that sense, Phil is definitely part of the problem.
Traditional media diets don’t give you much variation on attractive women in all of their variety — so women looking for role models get attached to these unhealthy images because that is what is available. Counterprogramming the nonstop messages sent to young women that skinny = attractive is a tough thing.
And I forgot that Italian Vogue did a great layout of non-skinny models (Including the cover!) back in June.
Ok, and after you get done with telling your daughter that size 0 isn’t too fat — and is actually too skinny — you can start educating her on all of the other stupid things women do to themselves. How healthy is it to be sicking a brush covered with gunk right up to your eyelashes, and loading them up with stuff you don’t want in your eye? How smart is it to cover up the pores on your face, which are there for a purpose, with foundation and powder and blush? How wise is it to walk around in five-inch-high stilettos, a “shoe” you have to actually train yourself to be able to (sort of) walk in?
If you all gave up high heels, and quit destroying your feet, do you think that men would all turn homosexual, or would we still like you as women? The Chinese forced women into the same unisex Mao-suits as the men wore, and, strangely enough, they kept making little Chinese!
If you went back 150 years, women — with the exception of the wealthy — wore no makeup, had hairy legs and underarms, were lucky to have toothpaste, pretty much covered themselves from neck to toe, didn’t bathe very often, and men were still attracted to them.
Women really are their own worst enemies.
A size 0 girl in a size 0 outfit wont look fat, but certainly baggy clothes can make a girl look larger than she is. I give you that sick olsen twin as an example. the baggy clothes made her look bigger than she was.
And maybe I’m just way out of date here, but I thought that juniors wore the odd-numbered sizes, 1,3, etc, and an even numbered size 0, 2, etc, were misses.
I just remember that my girlfriend from college (early 1970s) shopped at the 5*7*9 Shop, but she was a size 3, and, depending on the dress, sometimes a size 1.
phil, are you defending calling a 14 year old who’s apparently pretty thin, fat? This discussion is not about little pandora’s fashion sense and outfit picking abilities….. she’s a 14 year old girl, im sure it is quite honed.
Pandora, I think there is almost an obligation to have the “im so fat” “no, you’re hot! IM fat” discussion among teenagers. If she’s not eating, or mooing at herself in the mirror for 23 minutes before school only to sneak an extra cupcake and Jimmy’s birthday celebration…. then there is cause for alarm.
Dana, the difference between the odd and even size numbers is due to body type. Even numbers are for women/girls with more curves. Joe Cass made a good point about the insanity of sizing. My bet is today’s 0 is yesteryear’s size 3/4. Perhaps there’s a limerick in this, Dana? 🙂
Cassandra makes an excellent point with her: “All too often people use the word fat in the same way they would use the word unattractive, which is part of the problem here.” It’s become the weapon of choice; a catch-all of insults guaranteed to score a direct hit, and the fashion/celebrity industry feed into its potency.
Phil, while you may find the Olsen’s twin baggy clothing unflattering, her style does not make her look big.
And Ben, I do think this conversation is normal among teenagers. Which is the problem I was discussing. When I read an article like this I can’t help but apply it to what I’m experiencing at home. It’s how I write!
I see what you’re saying. Id be interested in how many teens actually think that, and how many say it because the teen years are a time of agonizing pressure to conform… at least enough so you are “saying the right things” the “not fat girl who says she is fat” is one of many ways to hate yourself. There is also, as you mentioned the out of shape guy, the not good enough student, the not punk enough punk….. If you are a teenager and you feel good about yourself, dont make that known or your peers will change your mind as fast as their psychopathic hormone-infused brains can form a cutting enough insult.
I also agree that sizing for women is F-ed. I wear size 34 pants because my waist is 34 inches around (IM SUCH A HEFFER) simple and easy.
I like the male perspective on self-image: we can wear plaid shorts w/ black knee socks and white shoes and a clashing striped shirt and still think we’re hot.
you say that as if there should be something wrong with plaid shorts and knee socks.
I read this article a few minutes ago and thought of you, Pandora.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janell-burley-hofmann/girls-and-body-image_b_1204882.html
@reis,@socialistic ben That’s my summer wardrobe!
Thank you for that, Mrs. XStryker!
My pleasure! I sincerely hope that you can help your daughter through any self esteem issues. The teen years are SO hard.
Pan’s daughter is a size 0
Skinny? She don’t think so!
She can’t see that
She is not fat
The scale, it is her foe!
Pandora, I tried to add a limerick, as requested, and it got et by the system.
Hey, I’m 58 and even I don’t wear plaid shorts and black socks!
I saved your poetry, Dana! Thank you! I’ve missed your limericks. 😉
Dana has lost his blonde locks
But he knows his town by the blocks
He’ll shoot live action shots
And take stills on back lots
but he”don’t wear plaid shorts and black socks!“
Pure bliss, gentlemen! I love it! Thank you!
Umm… my comment was supposed to come after Puck’s. Wonder where this one will end up?
A middle-aged man named McGruder
Wore shorts in the style of Bermuda.
He thought he was hot
But of course he was not
Because he was shaped like a Buddha.
Did Dana really have blonde hair?
His mem’ry of that isn’t there!
Alas! he is old
His hair ain’t gold
And what ain’t grey is very rare!
Well, Pandora, I guess things just got Pucked up!
LOL!
Pandora – what were those things on that woman’s chest at the link? 😉
Reis, the only men that wear an outfit like that are my relatives living in South Florida.