Tomorrow’s News Today: Santorum’s Last Stand

JIM THORPE, Penna. – Outside this sleepy town, Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has barricaded himself in a cabin in the Poconos. An insider to the Santorum campaign said that the candidate began the barricade late Wednesday night when poll numbers showed him losing to Mitt Romney in Pennsylvania. A Pennsylvania State Police spokesperson said that Santorum has said won’t come out until he becomes the Republican nominee for President.

When asked what Santorum has been doing in the cabin for the last few days, a Santorum advisor replied, “Rick is writing a manifesto though it’s potential readership is strongly limited as he insists in writing it in Latin.”

Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus just arrived and is visibly confused. “I don’t think Rick understands the point of the presidential primaries,” said Priebus. “I mean he’s barricaded himself in a cabin with no running water and no electricity. How’s he’s suppose to campaign?” Failed presidential candidate Herman Cain has vowed to supply Santorum with pizza till the standoff ends.

Archbishop Chaput of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia has also arrived. He is prepared to give the campaign Last Rights as soon as Santorum comes out.