From Greg Pinello’s “I have the Floor:”
1. Deliver State of the Union without being heckled
2. Complete Rose Garden remarks without interruption
3. Call for a joint session of Congress (the NERVE!)
4. Take a vacation (LAZY!)
5. Play golf (ELITIST!)
6. Play basketball (GHETTO!)
7. Attend Harvard (QUOTA!)
8. Have a birthday party (must instead be called “hip hop barbecue”)
9. Invite other black people to White House (THUGS!)
10. Speak to school children
11. Appoint judges
12. Serve without providing long-form birth certificate to douchebag rich guy and racist Sheriff
13. Serve without providing SAT scores (see #7)
14. Lawfully use executive authority when Congress refuses to act
15. Issue orders as Commander-in-Chief of the military
16. Take a single scintilla of credit for killing the world’s biggest terrorist
17. Run for re-election
18. Raise funds for said run
19. Go on late night TV […]
25. Use a teleprompter