“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
— The Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776.
According to the Conservative Revisionist History, here’s what happened….
In 1775, Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Adams set sail across the Delaware River to tell the King of England they had enough of his liberal agenda. King James called Napoleon and together they decided to kill America. They sent the Nina, the Piñata and the Santa Maria to fight. But then, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln gathered an army to turn back the big government dictators. They told Paul Revere to ride his horse to Frodo to tell him to cast the ring of power into the fires of Mount Doom. But then, John Wilkes Booth showed up and killed Lincoln. But there was still hope, because Jesus appeared on the face of the Liberty Bell and he froze John Wilkes Booth in carbonite. And the liberal homosexuals sailed back to their gay countries, while Americans claimed their land and drank beer. And that’s how freedom was born.