“If there were crickets at the Iowa State Fair, you would have heard them chirping.”

Sorry about all these “RYAN!/(romney)” sucks posts, but I just can’t pull my gaze away from the train-wreck that is this VP pick. Here is a Dana Milbank account of RYAN!’s debut at the Iowa state fair. Even for Democrats is it cringe inducing. I can’t imagine what this pick is doing to the stomach linings of Republicans.

Ryan spoke from what fairgoers call the soapbox — a small platform where any citizen, even a politician, can have 20 minutes to voice his or her mind. But because of the open venue, the crowd of 3,000 people could not be cleansed of Democrats, indifferent Iowans and other undesirable elements.

Ryan, in a trying-too-hard outfit of blue jeans, wide leather belt and red-and-white checked shirt, began with a painful effort to establish common ground with the locals.

“What a beautiful day to be at the state fair,” he said. “We have fairs. Do you have Wristband Day here?”

Apparently Iowans do not have Wristband Day, because the crowd was quiet.

“That’s the favorite day for my kids, because Wristband Day, you can buy a wristband and ride all the rides with just one wristband for the whole day.”

The Iowans stood like corn stalks on a still morning.

“So it’s just from a Wisconsinite to a neighboring Iowan: Have Wristband Day. Your kids will love it.”

If there were crickets at the Iowa State Fair, you would have heard them chirping.

Just about then, some in the crowd suddenly came to life. Unfortunately for the candidate, they were hecklers, and they were charging the stage.

“I heard President Obama is starting his bus tour today, and I heard he wasn’t going to come to the Iowa State Fair,” Ryan attempted, but the protesters were shouting slogans — “Are you going to cut Medicare?” “Stop the war on the poor!” “Hands off Social Security!” — too loud for him to deliver the punch line.

“I think it’s because — so — ha! You know what? It’s funny,” Ryan continued, although he did not at the moment appear to be having fun. “It’s funny, because Iowans and Wisconsinites, we like to be respectful of one another and peaceful with one another and listen to each other. These ladies must not be from Iowa or Wisconsin.”

His listeners did not see the humor. They were shouting “USA! USA!” and “Romney! Romney!” to drown out the hecklers. Ryan noticed a portly woman in a salmon T-shirt storming the stage just a few feet from him. “You guys see this one here?” he called to security agents. He took a step back as police and security guards swarmed the stage, hauling off the interloper.

Ryan didn’t get his 20 minutes on the soapbox. He proceeded through the mayhem for about 12, but even Fox News Channel pulled away from its coverage as a wrestling match between protesters and Romney supporters blocked the camera shot.

It was not exactly the kickoff Ryan and Romney wanted, but it did help to establish why Romney chose the young House Budget Committee chairman as his running mate: Ryan is almost as awkward as Romney.