Is it just me, or is this crazy?
Remember the Maryland parents who let their two kids walk home from a park alone and then had to deal with police and child protective services? They heard from the state today. The couple was found responsible for “unsubstantiated” child neglect, a confusing charge that resolved nothing and left the couple possibly more nervous and paranoid than ever.
In December, Danielle and Alexander Meitiv let their 10-year-old son, Rafi, and his 6-year-old sister, Dvorah, walk 1 mile home through Silver Spring, Maryland, alone. The kids got picked up by the police, who then turned the case over to child protective services. The Meitivs, as it happens, are “free-range parents” who have a very coherent philosophy about giving children more independence. They had let their children walk home alone that day only after practicing and felt the kids were ready.
The first thing that sprang to my mind was how, in Delaware, “per state regulation, transportation is provided for students in grades K-6 who reside more than 1 mile away from their school.” But what are the rules in Silver Springs, MD? Well, here they are: “(1) Transported areas surrounding MCPS schools are as follows: Elementary Schools—beyond 1 mile.” So, elementary aged school children living 1 mile from MCPS school do not receive transportation, which means… they can/should walk the 1 mile to school? I read through that link, searching for a rule requiring parents to walk their elementary aged children to school, but couldn’t find it. I guess kids can walk 1 mile to school unsupervised, but not 1 mile home from a park. Consistency, please.
As a parent I made many calls when it came to my children’s independence, and walking home from school or a park was among them. Basically, my theory was: Children should learn how to cross a street before entering college. And I won’t lie, every new thing I let them try made me nervous, but my job as a parent is to raise my children to leave me; to be able to navigate situations that lead to independence. Remember the first time you let your child walk to the corner store? Take the car out by themselves? Babysit a neighbor’s child? Most parents think long and hard about these milestones and base their decisions on the individual child involved. One child may be ready to walk to the park at 10, the other may not be able to handle this until 13. Some adults still can’t handle walking to the park!
So many of these situations depends on the specific child. “Are they ready?” is a common refrain among parents. Parents give these steps much thought – the Meitiv’s even practiced the walk with their children and deemed them ready. As I type this I’m looking at a picture of my then 8 year old son holding his 5 year old sister’s hand and walking down the street to Sea Shell City – all by themselves. We had walked that block (near *gasp!* Ocean Highway) a gazillion times, and that day I let them go it alone. Okay, not really alone the first few times. I had neighbors positioned along the block and had a friend who worked at Sea Shell City monitor them and call me when they left the store. But, by the next summer, the monitoring pretty much ended for my then 9 and 6 year old. Crossing Ocean Highway to Royal Farms came a few years later… but it came. And not everyone agreed with my decision, but it was my call. Today my children maneuver through airports, train stations, subways, foreign countries by themselves with ease. That’s because I let them cross the flippin’ street and go to the park.
You see a lot of this helicopter parenting in urban and highly populated suburban areas. Not so much on a farm in Iowa. I have a niece, just turned 16, whose parents escort her everywhere. I know plenty more people who do the same. When did we stop teaching street smarts? It really is a vital skill that needs to be taught over time, in steps.
My daughter is almost 18, and I still get nervous when she’s out with the car. Mr. Pandora says the only reason he sleeps is because he knows I won’t. Does my nervousness mean I’m making the wrong decision in letting her take the car? Nope. It means I’ve calculated the risk (she won’t be taking the car today due to snow!) and decided that driving, unfortunately, is a necessity in this country – just like being able to walk to school or a park or a corner store or a friend’s house.
The Meitiv’s made a decision based on their children’s level of responsibility. Montgomery County Child Protective Services declared that decision unsubstantiated child neglect (What does that even mean?). If this holds up then I’d expect a law stating that children 10 and younger are no longer allowed to walk to school without adult supervision and that bus transportation must be provided for this age group. Because a 1 mile walk is a 1 mile walk.*
*Yes, I know not all 1 mile walks are equal, so can we please skip that nonsense – especially since states and school districts consider them equal. Unless I’m missing the part that says children living in “bad” neighborhoods will receive school transportation no matter how close they live to the school. Thanks.