DL GOP Fantasy Pool Update – The mystery of the third closed agency to be revealed

Filed in National by on June 4, 2015

The last Rick Perry reality show ended with a nail-biting cliffhanger. What will be the third federal agency closed on “day 1” of Perry’s first term in the White House? Speculation ran rampant. Would it be Agriculture? Probably not. Farmer’s need their welfare checks. Defense? Doubtful. Energy? There was a brief surge of support for that one. Health and Human Services? That was my guess. It just sounds liberal.

But perhaps Homeland Security? The newbie on the block. Or Housing and Urban Development? Housing!?! Ew… Urban development… DOUBLE EWW!

Department of the Interior? Get offa my land!! CLiven Bundy votes for the elimination of this one.

The United States Department of Justice? Pesky do-gooders, always coming to to tell police departments to stop shooting unarmed black people.

I’m getting woozy. You can make a wingnut case for closing down any and all of these. You can make a wingnut case for no government whatsoever (provided my rascal scooter still gets paid for.)

Anyway – Perry is in. Prop Joe picks up a point. And, oh yeah, Lindsey Graham, the guy who thinks America is suffering from not being in enough wars right now, entered the race on June 1. Del Dem now has two on the track.

FAQ’s

What’s with Bush?
Are Christie, Jindahl, and Walker going to make it into the debates?


Here are the standing:

Division 1
Pandora: Walker, Paul (81), Rubio (76), and Santorum(8) | 165
Jason330: Huckabee (53), Christie, Cruz* (97),Carson (54) | 204
AQC: Jindal, Bush, Fiorina (54), Ehrlich | 54

Division 1A
Newton: Paul (81), Rubio (76),Carson (54), Santorum (8) | 219
Prop Joe: Cruz* (97), Jindahl, Walker, Perry (1) | 98
Del Dem: Bush, Christie, Huckabee (53), Graham (4)| 57


Here are the Candidates with points: Cruz – 97 points (March 23rd), Paul – 81 points (April 7th), Rubio – 76 points (April 13), Carson – 54 points (May 4th), Fiorina – 54 points (May 4th), Huckbee – 53 point (May 5th), Santorum – 8 points (May27th) Graham – 4 Points (June 1) Perry – 1 point (June 4th)

(*) Indicates candidates who are low down goat fuckers.

Check my math, and let me know if I miss an announcement.

About the Author ()

Jason330 is a deep cover double agent working for the GOP. Don't tell anybody.

Comments (14)

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  1. Steve Newton says:
    June 4, 2015 at 11:47 am

    I know this is a dumb question, but this being June 4, how does Santorum rate 30 points for only having been in the race since May 27?

  2. Jason330 says:
    June 4, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Not a dumb question. Should be 8. That’s why I close with “check my math” I’ll make that change.

  3. Jason330 says:
    June 4, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    As they vie to be the most pious motherfucker of the lot, I want to see Huckabee, Santorum, Jindahl, Carson and Graham get into a massive “holier than thou” off.

    As each one tries to up the ante on the other they begin reaching for more homophic and holier and holier policies and positions until one of them (Santorum probably) promises to remove all porn from the internet. Then, a hush falls over the crowd….

  4. Jason330 says:
    June 5, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    It looks like Carson’s campaign is not built to last. Newton and I may have the first high profile drops.

    Two independent super PACs designed to help Carson are instead competing directly with Carson’s campaign for donations and volunteers, while campaign chairman Terry Giles resigned last month with the intention of forming a third super PAC….

    “They are going after the same small donors and we’ve simply got to figure this out or else we are going up against each other the whole time,” Giles said. “I’m planning to sit down with them and explain that.”

    Carson spokesman Doug Watts called Run Ben Run a “rogue operation.”
    The overlapping super PACs have confused Carson supporters about where to give money. …

    What’s worse for Carson, a trio of senior campaign officials has departed as well. Specifically, the campaign has lost deputy campaign manager Stephen Rubino, general counsel Kathy Freberg, and national finance chairman Jeff Reeter. Campaign officials told the Post that the staff members have not been replaced.

  5. RobberBaron says:
    June 7, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    You just can’t stand that an inner city black man was able to not only raise himself out of poverty by working for it. Now, he is renowned as the best of the best surgeons and has the audacity to demand people be accountable. Government is the problem, not the solution and until he goes away, he will be vilified by liberals.

  6. puck says:
    June 8, 2015 at 6:26 am

    <i<“They are going after the same small donors and we’ve simply got to figure this out or else we are going up against each other the whole time,” Giles said. “I’m planning to sit down with them and explain that.”

    Translation: We have a limited pool of crackpots to solicit money from. Go find your own crackpots.

  7. Jason330 says:
    June 8, 2015 at 8:22 am

    Lol. A worthy translation.

  8. Jason330 says:
    June 8, 2015 at 8:24 am

    FYI – Jeb Bush’s announcement expected on June 15. Donald Trump is expected on June 16. (Please God, make it so.)

    Bobby Jindal is expected on June 24.

  9. Jason330 says:
    June 8, 2015 at 10:16 am

    I doubt Christie ever announces. That means Del Dem and I are in this thing racing three wheeled cars.

  10. cassandra_m says:
    June 8, 2015 at 10:56 am

    You just can’t stand that an inner city black man was able to not only raise himself out of poverty by working for it with a great deal of government help. Now he wants to withdraw that help from the people coming after him and old white people in the GOP are cheering this on. Because, really, why does the world need more Negro doctors?

    Fixed that for you, RobberBaron.

  11. mouse says:
    June 8, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Uneducated and lower class whites sure do obsess on the politics of resent against the people below them lol. And sex of course

  12. Jason330 says:
    June 9, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    Bru…TAL.

    Only one person came to a scheduled Rick Santorum campaign stop in Iowa – insurance agent Peggy Toft. Santorum spoke to Toft in a restaurant for 10 minutes. Toft said the meeting did not convince her to support the socially conservative, wildly self-delusional Republican candidate. “This is a lot more fun than being on the phone raising money,” said Santorum.

  13. Jason330 says:
    June 10, 2015 at 8:13 am

    While Christie may never announce, Carson moves to #1 on the “drop watch list”

    “Barely over a month after launching his presidential campaign, retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson has lost his campaign chairman, his national finance chairman, his deputy campaign manager and his general counsel. The four senior advisers all quit the campaign, which has fallen into disarray due to dysfunctional leadership, a lack of professionalism and frequent in-fighting.”

  14. jason330 says:
    June 10, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    DD thinks Cruz can take it. I’m not convinced. But I’m sure he is going to rack up a buttload of fantasy points.

    “Ted Cruz is embracing a novel strategy for winning the nomination: He’s lowering expectations in the early states while investing in later-voting states that hardly see a candidate before March.” At the same time that he’s downplaying Iowa and New Hampshire, Cruz is talking in terms of a drawn-out delegate fight that will win him the nomination by virtue of attrition:

    But Cruz’s team is bracing for a long fight based on picking up delegates — a battle they plan to stretch all the way to the convention, where, the theory goes, he’ll be the last conservative standing — though a contested convention hasn’t happened in nearly 40 years.

    It is all good news for me and Prop Joe.

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