Coons Re-Reads Bible, Finds Justification for WARRRRRRR and living in a Whale is possible!
It was only a matter of time before someone with some balls used the Bible to invoke war and not peace. It was done after 9/11 when we attacked that nation that attacked us. Er Nation that held training camps that attacked us. Errrrr, nation that allegedly funded the nation of the nation that in fact was the nation they actually came from that had really bad bombs that were never found.
Anyway…This time an avid DL reader has sent in a tip (not all of the tip, but most of the tip) that says Chris Coons after much deliberation was able to find the scripture that says we can “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Iran” and can stop mamby-pansying around like Obama.
Here it is:
Ephesians 6:9:And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
I asked for Comment from Coon’s War Room and was told, “Wait NO! That’s slavery! Shit. Hold on! Hold on! Stop the Presses.” Evidently the Coon’s Communication Center is saying that tip is wrong. It’s the wrong tip!!! Pull that tip out! They hung on me rather abrubtly and I have not heard from them.
MORE BREAKING NEWS!!!
Since I started this post yet another tip has come. It’s a big juicy tip I have to tell you. Here, now we have it on good authority Coons is citing this passage in the Bible:
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if some refuse to believe and obey the word of God, they will be won over without a word, because of the behavior of the wives.
We reached out to Coon’s Communication Director again for more clarity. Reverend Goodfellow an apparent all things biblical consultant Coons leans on heavily to understand how he should behave diplomatically was able to tell us that this in fact is the wrong quote. Upon much going back and forth I am able to report that I did hear yelling in the background. “GOD DAMN IT!!!” Coons was heard screaming at a staffer, “We aren’t talking about beating our wives or freaking slavery!!!! Find something in the god damn book that says we shouldn’t talk to these pieces of shit and something that appeases the moron’s down in Sussex”
As I continue to update this Breaking News we’re getting additional reports now from Coon’s War Room that he has been going ballistic since I have called them asking for a quote on this fat and juicy tip that penetrated our server. They have since told me to find something in the bible that says what we want it to say and reads how we want it to read and just say that is what they are using as their justification to solve an ongoing diplomatic and political problems.
I asked for one last quote that does in fact justify war and they were able to give me this one:
I did not come to bring peace to the earth; I did not come to bring peace but a sword” (Matt. 10:34)
Before hanging up she said, “We’re confident the Bible can be used to justify our stance. No matter where we allegedly stand on an issue. Chris Coon’s was elected and defeated Christine O’Donnell. It was clear to us at the time that voters wanted and want us to lead how god would lead. Chris Coons feels confident the voters in Delaware will want him to turn to the scriptures as his source of strength and for answers on how to lead”
It really got under your skin that Coons mentioned the bible, eh? What is so shocking? He hasn’t quoted Das Kapital in over 30 years.
I don’t know what you are talking about. This isn’t about me. I got a big fat juicy tip and I acted on it. I can’t help what comes out of the communication office of a Senator.
I mean so what, he quoted the bible and used it as the basis for his decision.
If there’s one way to battle a country that supports religious extremists via the funneling of it’s petro dollars into groups like Al Qaeda it’s to do so by showing them how unextreme and level headed you are…and the best way to say just how non fundemental you and your country is, is to say you are acting based on words that came out of your own version your god’s words.
It is bullshit, but just a blip on the continuum. This fucking nut, Huckabee, is using his reading of the bible to advocate for outright anarchy.
Here’s the difference with that “blip” he’s a blip on a TV and sure he’s running for office, but he’s just an extension of the entertainment channel he works for while Coons is an elected official, that if you recall beat a religious nut case all but ready to chain herself to the front door of a planned parenthood building while incantating passages from the same fucking bible he is saying he used to help guide him to the answer for his decision…..
Coons comes out with the answer that you want, votes with his party and you still jump all over the guy. Gotta love it.
I used incantation in a sentence!
Now bring some more weak shit
@anon (whichever one you are)
When the Senator of this fine country is leaning on the bible and feels the need to announce to the world, yes the world, that he is looking in the book for guidance and has found some in it, I take umbrage yes.
Who is he capitulating to with that nonsense? How does that read in Iran and across the globe? How do you say that our country is not full of rabid ideologues like other countries are, and then turn around and say you read the bible to help with international diplomacy.
It’s disgusting. It’s juvenile. It’s tragic that this is what he feels he needs to announce.
Everybody is talking about balls today, and speaking about balls that aren’t deflated ,I think it took some inflated balls for Coons to side with the administration. I mean if Iran develops nukes he will have to share in the blame, right?. That’s pretty ballsy isn’t it? Cue the AC/DC.