It was only a matter of time before someone with some balls used the Bible to invoke war and not peace. It was done after 9/11 when we attacked that nation that attacked us. Er Nation that held training camps that attacked us. Errrrr, nation that allegedly funded the nation of the nation that in fact was the nation they actually came from that had really bad bombs that were never found.
Anyway…This time an avid DL reader has sent in a tip (not all of the tip, but most of the tip) that says Chris Coons after much deliberation was able to find the scripture that says we can “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Iran” and can stop mamby-pansying around like Obama.
Here it is:
Ephesians 6:9:And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
I asked for Comment from Coon’s War Room and was told, “Wait NO! That’s slavery! Shit. Hold on! Hold on! Stop the Presses.” Evidently the Coon’s Communication Center is saying that tip is wrong. It’s the wrong tip!!! Pull that tip out! They hung on me rather abrubtly and I have not heard from them.
MORE BREAKING NEWS!!!
Since I started this post yet another tip has come. It’s a big juicy tip I have to tell you. Here, now we have it on good authority Coons is citing this passage in the Bible:
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if some refuse to believe and obey the word of God, they will be won over without a word, because of the behavior of the wives.
We reached out to Coon’s Communication Director again for more clarity. Reverend Goodfellow an apparent all things biblical consultant Coons leans on heavily to understand how he should behave diplomatically was able to tell us that this in fact is the wrong quote. Upon much going back and forth I am able to report that I did hear yelling in the background. “GOD DAMN IT!!!” Coons was heard screaming at a staffer, “We aren’t talking about beating our wives or freaking slavery!!!! Find something in the god damn book that says we shouldn’t talk to these pieces of shit and something that appeases the moron’s down in Sussex”
As I continue to update this Breaking News we’re getting additional reports now from Coon’s War Room that he has been going ballistic since I have called them asking for a quote on this fat and juicy tip that penetrated our server. They have since told me to find something in the bible that says what we want it to say and reads how we want it to read and just say that is what they are using as their justification to solve an ongoing diplomatic and political problems.
I asked for one last quote that does in fact justify war and they were able to give me this one:
I did not come to bring peace to the earth; I did not come to bring peace but a sword” (Matt. 10:34)
Before hanging up she said, “We’re confident the Bible can be used to justify our stance. No matter where we allegedly stand on an issue. Chris Coon’s was elected and defeated Christine O’Donnell. It was clear to us at the time that voters wanted and want us to lead how god would lead. Chris Coons feels confident the voters in Delaware will want him to turn to the scriptures as his source of strength and for answers on how to lead”