As Delaware Liberal’s Senior Women’s Issue Expert (sounds official, right? I gave myself a promotion) I have to ask, can we talk about birth control? And by birth control of course I mean abortion and reproductive freedoms, which are about to get FUCKED—see what I did there?
With the nomination of “Scalia Jr.,” Neil Gorsuch, the Republican-controlled Congress is flexing its morality based pro-life muscle (as long as said life is in utero, and then totally self-sufficient upon exit from said womb—but that is another post). It’s a pretty safe bet that we may see some roll backs in reproductive freedom. Indeed, many women are considering or getting multi-year birth control options, such as IUDs, because of the very real concern that monthly birth control may be actually, or at least affordably, unavailable soon.
As disturbing as those issues are to me, I want to focus on an important, but unspoken part of the pro-choice/pro-life dialogue. That is, women bear the overwhelming brunt of the condemnation when it comes to abortion and bear the most responsibility for birth control in general. And before you get your sensitive male panties twisted, yes—not all men are asswipes, and, yes, some women are. Can we just trust that I’m not talking about YOU as in you personally (unless you’re feeling guilty, then I definitely mean you), but the universal “you” meant as a broad social construct.
I’m sure that this will be unpopular, but ultimately I don’t think men should have a say in an abortion. Hear me out. I know you’re already jumping to the comments section to voice your outrage. And please, by all means, go ahead. But first listen. You have a say BEFORE abortion is the option. Ask the lady your sexing what her plan is if there is a birth control failure. If you don’t like her answer, don’t put your dick in her. Harsh, I know, but it’s women who are on the hook for unplanned pregnancies. There are no laws that make you have burial services for your masturbatory tissues. But there are (in a fucked up display of “compassionate” religious legislating), laws regarding the burial of aborted fetuses. Because the trauma of unwanted pregnancy, the actual abortion procedure, moral judgment, possible economic consequences, and so on, were not enough of a burden. I mean WWRJD (what would republican Jesus do)?
There is a national conversation about punishing women who have abortions. There are protections in place for doctors to NOT TREAT a woman who has ever in her life had an abortion. Want to make it so women lie to their doctors and receive care based on an inaccurate or incomplete file? Keep passing legislation like that. So, we are swinging away from Roe. More and more state legislative branches are red. More governors are red and more abortions restrictions are being passed. Women are at the center of these laws. Not men. I know it’s hard when things aren’t about you, but in this case, punitive abortion laws aren’t targeting men. (You want to talk about unfair parenting rulings, child support, or women who use children to control men—cool, write your own article). I hear all the time “I don’t think abortion should be birth control.” And? Great you think that, but you don’t get to fucking legislate that. I think you shouldn’t wear socks and sandals. It’s gross and offensive to me, but I’m not trying to pass a law.
Now look I know that Mary totes got pregnant through divine intervention, but the rest of us needed help to get knocked up. But somehow even though we didn’t get ourselves pregnant, we are held primarily responsible. Men aren’t punished for abortion. And men generally aren’t punished for promiscuity. Men can and do walk away—all the time. I know #notallmen is a movement, but the number of single mothers raising children without consistent help speaks for itself. And if you’ve ever found yourself on the wrong side of a positive pregnancy test, it can be terrifying. But now it’s even scarier. You have to hope you live in a state that has friendly laws. You need to have anywhere between $500-$750 for a first trimester abortion. You have to hope that there isn’t an invasive internal ultrasound. That’s where they shove a wand up your vagina and force you to look at a fetus while they describe in detail the developmental stage. You have to hope there isn’t a mandatory waiting period so you don’t have to travel multiple times. You have to hope there is a clinic where you can receive medical treatment somewhere in your state. You have to hope you don’t get bombed.
Men aren’t regulated like this. Pharmacists aren’t refusing to fill your boner pills because it violates their moral conscience. Doctors aren’t refusing to treat you because at some point in your life you’ve made a decision with which they disagree. People don’t protest outside your health clinics calling you a whore. So when I say men don’t have a say, what I mean is you are free to express your opinion, but ultimately after you had sex without discussing the potential outcomes, your opinion doesn’t matter.
When we talk about an assault on women or a war on women, this is part of what we are talking about. That every fucking year a group of mostly old, mostly white, mostly men get together and pass a set of laws based on their morality for my uterus. There are people who don’t know that women’s periods don’t originate from the bladder. There are people who think that you can just “hold it” and bleed on your own time and all at once. There are people who think that periods are taboo. There are grown ass men who don’t know that women have two openings in their lady-specific nether region (spoiler: neither of them is your butt) and some of these fuckers are passing laws about a body they don’t understand. And that is NOT OKAY. Your moral codes to not get to dictate what I do with my body. You don’t have to support abortion rights, but the least you can do is get the fuck out of my way.
I know. I know. I’m an irrational angry woman! Maybe I’m about to start my period? This war on women is all in my head, micro-aggressions hurt my feelings, and other people have it worse. Yuuuuup. Feel free to organize for their cause and let me know how I can contribute as you lead the charge. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Kisses.