As much as I enjoyed “Goldfinger” back in the day, I was always skeptical about the denouement, in which Auric Goldfinger, who’s almost as fat as Trump, gets sucked out of a broken airplane window by the pressure differential. C’mon, how is a guy that big gonna fit through a window that small? After yesterday’s Southwest New York-to-Dallas flight, during which an engine disintegrated at 32,000 feet and a woman was nearly sucked out a shattered window, I doubt no longer. Major props to the woman who piloted the jetliner to a safe emergency landing in Philly, but for me, aisle seat next time, please.
Scarier still is the news that Sean Hannity, who never graduated from either high school or college, is in daily contact with Trump and even tells him what to tweet, proving that it’s not just great minds that think alike — feeble ones do, too.
One thing that’s always on feeble minds is “Who’s out to get me?” Trump, for example, apparently worries that VP Mike Pence and UN Ambassador Nimrata Haley are plotting to challenge him for the 2020 GOP nomination.
Feeble-minded Republicans are right to worry, because there’s nothing meaner, pettier and more vindictive than a Republican politician (though lots of Democrats give them a run for their money). Perfect example: The asshats known as the Tennessee legislature voted to rescind funding to the city of Memphis in retaliation for the removal of two statues to Civil War losers — inept CSA President Jefferson Davis and KKK founder Nathan Bedford Forrest.
Speaking of feeble-minded Republicans, House mouth-breathers sent a letter to Jeff Sessions demanding investigations of eight people Trump considers enemies. The signatories constitute a good list of the first Republicans who should hang once the treason trials are concluded.
James Comey compared Trump to a mob boss, but the truth is that no mobster as unhinged as Trump would last two weeks in the job. Stormy Daniels yesterday released a drawing of the man who supposedly threatened her in a Las Vegas parking lot, and Trump walked right into the trap by claiming that the man didn’t exist, which of course he couldn’t possibly know. I think it looks quite a bit like Don Jr., but it couldn’t be because he was banging cocktail waitresses at the time.
As bad as Trump is, Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens apparently is even worse. Unlike national Republicans, those in Mizzou have turned on their leader and demanded his resignation. The Navy SEAL-turned-rapist-turned-governor was defiant, claiming he’ll be vindicated in court. Not if someone finds the photo of the woman you stripped and photographed, buddy.
Bernie or Hillary? Unimportant as long as Trump remains in office, but I otherwise disagree with this sanguine look at the fault line in the Democratic Party.
A documentary filmmaker went to Kansas to view the wreckage of Gov. Sam Brownback’s tax-slashing disaster, and found that being a Republican is pretty much the same as joining a UFO-worshiping death cult — nothing will convince true believers that they are morons and their “ideas” are actually something called “wishes.”