The recent gun nut riot at Middletown HS has me wondering if it is even possible to talk with people so utterly out of their minds. Trying to think through strategies to dialogue with these deranged morons got me thinking through some possible avenues. *crossfade to a public forum*
ME: Okay, thank you all for coming. I see the NRA is well represented here, I hope we can keep this civil and productive.
Random Gun Nut (RGN)1: Shut up, Fag!
ME: Okay, well let’s get started by seeing if there is any middle ground at all. I mean we are all Americans after all and our system of government depends on coming to a consensus on tough…
RGN2: Go back to China you fucking piece of shit!!
ME: …coming to a consensus on tough issues. So, let’s see – by a show of hands – who thinks murdering children in schools is wrong? OK. Keep them up for a second. I see we are mostly in agreement with a couple of people over here with their arms adamantly crossed. Sir, you there with the confederate flag may I ask, why you disagree with the statement that murdering children in schools is wrong?
RGN3: What if the so-called children were about to murder you or your family? Or what if they were holding a stick? I have the right to protect my family.
ME: Well that’s reading a lot into the premise of a pretty simple questions, so I’m mostly going to be talking with the people who agreed that murdering children in schools is wrong. And to these people, I’d like to ask another question – who thinks that there should be no licensing, background checks or any limits on gun ownerships AT ALL?
RGN ALL: (Yelling, stomping)
ME: That looks like about half, I’d say.
RNG4: SECOND AMENDMENT, YOU COMMIE DICK! Hitler took away all the guns, you know!!
RGN ALL: (Yelling, stomping) HITLER! HIT-LER!, HIT-LER!
ME: Wait, are some of you with your arms raised cheering for Hitler? Uh..nevermind…Okay, I’m just talking to the people here who think some limits on gun ownership…
RNG4: SLIPPERY SLOPE. GOOGLE IT!!!
ME: …who think that some limits one gun ownership are possible.
[This goes on until I find the one person in the audience who thinks mentally ill people should not own guns, or I am shot.]
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Editor’s Note: I shouldn’t have to say this, but some readers need some hand holding. This blog post is an imagined public forum held by me on the topic of gun control in Delaware. If you see yourself in this among the very small minority of gun nuts who favor child murder over sensible gun control, or among the gun nuts who don’t believe in ANY kind of restriction on gun ownership, that’s on you.
