When Donald Trump proclaimed Sunday via Twitter, “I am an innocent man,” was I the only one whose mental jukebox immediately jumped to Billy Joel singing that line? But I think Trump got it wrong. He’s not an innocent man. He is, as in Bob Rivers’ parody of Joel’s hit, an ignorant man.
Rivers was a DJ in the Pacific Northwest who recorded lots of song parodies, and sold enough Christmas novelty records to retire on. This was released in 1992, but tell me if this second verse reminds you of somebody:
I don’t like cripples, blacks, Hispanics or Jews
And I’m proud to say I’m never wrong
I hate confessions so I lie to the priest
At least I won’t pray for so long
Provide my wife with a miserable life
If she complains I just give her a whack
In a receiving line french-kiss the bride
As I slide my hand down past her ass
I’ve no intention of repaying a loan
The one opinion I respect is my own
It’s all so simple
Cuz I’m far below
Anybody I know
And when it comes to being rude
I can
You say I’m crazy
but I don’t care why
Because I am an ignorant man
The only part that’s not Trump is lying to the priest, which he would if he were Catholic. This should be his fucking theme song.