Trump Dumps on Some Old-timey Bullshit

Washington (CNN)- President Donald Trump took a literal shit on the Constitution Thursday evening at the National Archives. Preservationist working to restore the document called the President’s excrement as “terrible as you might expect.”

According to his spokesperson, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the President was motivated by a strong desire to “own Libs” which is getting more difficult by the day in the third year of his term. “It was easy to own libs two years ago,” said Sanders “Now people barely remember the old norms of behavior, and you have all these Democrats in congress who it is impossible to get a rise out of, so you have get pretty extreme to own libs.”

When asked if “owning libs” was a valuable policy pursuit for the country Sanders simply gave her “What the fuck do you think” look.