News That’s Not About Trump

Hard as it is to tell by our bozo-besotted media, the Persimmon Peril is not involved in everything happening on Earth. Here are stories that were eclipsed by Trump’s giant ass.

Oklahoma Traffic Stop Finds Gun, Whiskey, Rattlesnake and Uranium in Stolen Car: Plus his passenger was a felon who was charged for possessing the gun. The rattlesnake was OK because, I kid you not, it’s rattlesnake season in Oklahoma. I wanna party with him.

Marijuana Found Growing at Vermont Statehouse: A member of the public tipped police to plants growing in decorative flower beds in front of the statehouse. The plants could be hemp, but it doesn’t much matter. Growing pot is legal in Vermont, except not in public, which makes no sense but hey, whatever it took to pass the law, right?

Mob in Philly Beats Carjacker to Death: A mom left her car running with 3 kids inside while she ducked into a store in Strawberry Mansion to talk to her boyfriend, the father of her kids. When a carjacker jumped in, the dad ran after him. The carjacker got stuck in traffic and tried to run but was soon caught. When the dad began beating him, onlookers joined in and the carjacker died at the hospital. Moral of the story: Do your carjacking in the suburbs, where it’s safer.