Jesus Snubbed Mastriano

Filed in National by on November 10, 2022

When voters said, “nah” and God the Father didn’t show, Mastriano was banking on some last minute intervention by the Holy Spirit. Jesus had other plans.

CAMP HILL, Pa. — “I just feel like he has been chosen for this, I really do,” said Kristin Bailey, a healthcare worker from York, as she waited in line outside the Penn Harris Hotel on Tuesday evening before the election results watch party for Doug Mastriano, the Republican nominee for governor of Pennsylvania. “I think he was led to this position for a reason.”

Many waiting in line believed God would intervene for their candidate. (He didn’t.)

“I think he’s gonna win, 100%,” said Katie Grove, a florist from Chambersburg. “I think he’s gonna win because he has —”

“God on his side,” her husband, Richard, interjected. “He’s a religious man. He’s the real deal. Look into his eyes. He’s truthful. He’s honest, you know? I’ve never seen someone so honest.”

There was a blood moon in the sky, and some Mastriano supporters made half-jokes about this being a supernatural affair.

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Jason330 is a deep cover double agent working for the GOP. Don't tell anybody.

Comments (5)

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  1. Alby says:

    York is the most racist town in Pennsyltucky.

    • Joe Connor says:

      There is tough competetion, Chambersburg, Shippensbug, Hazelton, Williamsport. Central PA where my ex (who is not racist) is from and that I traveled widely for work years ago is pretty much a pick any town and it’s racist:)

  2. jason330 says:

    This reminds me of an old (Gorge Carlin I think) bit.

    “Athletes always thank Jesus when they win, but nobody blames him when they lose. ‘We would have won if Jesus didn’t make me drop that ball!.’ “

  3. nathan arizona says:

    Block that kick.