So Republicans throughout America’s Stupid Belt are trying to legislate against family drag shows, supposedly because some of the performers are pedophiles who are grooming children for…uh, homosexuality, I think… by exposing them to men in ridiculously heavy makeup acting like women.
Let’s follow the trail of logic here. In order for this to be grooming, the audience would have to find it sexual, right? But before puberty children don’t really think about sex. You know who does think about sex, like, a lot? Republicans. They’re obsessed with it, mostly about how other people are having it, perhaps because they don’t get enough of it themselves.
Or maybe they’re not getting the right kind. I mean, who gets turned on by drag queens? Oh, I know, I know! People who try to hide their sexual excitement behind claims that someone else is being sexually excited by it. And I know who the someone else is: Republicans.
Think about it. Did you ever see the makeup on a Real Housewife of Another Rich Shithole? Or your typical Southern woman? That’s exactly what drag queens are riffing on — and it’s what turns on Cletus, apparently, so much so that he has to make it illegal lest he splooge in his overalls.