Being a Republican must be exhausting. You have to be on high alert at all times, sensitive to every threat to Our American Way of Life, plus you have to keep an updated list of who’s on your team and who’s working for its triple enemies Satan, socialism and Soros.
It’s not easy keeping track of which corporations are woke and which are still asleep, because their loyalties could change overnight. Disney, for example — family-friendly, happiest-place-on-Earth Disney — went woke, so now it’s supposedly off-limits for MAGAmericans. They can no longer drown their resentments in Bud Light, which is now apparently the official Watery Beer of Woke America. And now they can’t even take solace in their Jesus-marinated chicken sandwiches: Chick-Fil-A has gone woke.
In truth, the evidence of the company’s wokeness is months old, but somebody in MAGAt World just noticed that Chick-Fil-A — notorious for its owners’ contributions to anti-gay organizations — has a director of “diversity, equity and inclusion.”
This should not surprise anyone familiar with America in the 21st century. About 41% of Chick-Fil-A’s 140,000 employees are minorities, and most of the company’s jobs are service positions with low pay and high pressure. Unless it wants to find itself embroiled in an endless parade of lawsuits, any prudent company will have policies in place to deal with racially charged situations.
But MAGAts are at war with the 21st century, so the Chick-Fil-A boycott is on. If the company is smart, it will change its menu to cater to woke tastes. I suggest they add some Funky Chicken. Rufus Thomas could show them how. The Stax stalwart who took to billing himself “the world’s oldest teenager” was already 53 years old when this item on his long list of novelty dance tracks reached the Billboard charts in 1970 (No. 5 R&B, No. 28 Hot 100).
