DL Open Thread: Sat., December 30, 2023
Strawberry The Pop-Tart And Jesus: Sacrificing Themselves For The Sake Of Humanity:
The Pop-Tart mascot at the 2023 Pop-Tarts Bowl at Camping World Stadium in Orlando (Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)
Strawberry’s life was short but sweet. The giant Pop-Tart spent this year’s Pop-Tarts Bowl game in Orlando on Thursday running around referees, almost being licked by a football player and feeding people Pop-Tarts — all with a smile. And the mascot’s intense energy and excitement about being eaten has made it an online talking point, attracting viewers who don’t typically find themselves watching college football or eating heavily processed toaster pastries.
Strawberry, a wide-eyed Pop-Tart mascot with a giant grin on its face — rose to fame atop a giant toaster that was set up on the field at Camping World Stadium in Orlando. This year, the Kansas State Wildcats football team won the game 28-19 against the North Carolina State Wolfpack, also winning the sole dining rights to feast on Strawberry. The mascot’s costume isn’t actually edible, but an edible pastry version of Strawberry, with a winking face, popped out of the toaster for the winners to enjoy.
“We will always love you, Strawberry,” the game announcer said. “Can’t wait to eat you.”
Within moments, the mascot was toasted, picked apart in fistfuls and eaten by the Pop-Tarts Bowl champions and their family members, as purple and white confetti rained down. All that remained on the serving tray was an ominous eyeball.
Leave it to the Stanford Tree to deliver perhaps the most deeply-felt eulogy:
“RIP to my dear friend and mentor, the @PopTartsBowl Mascot,” the Stanford Tree wrote. “I find solace in knowing that — in being eaten — you achieved your most precious goal. This loss is bitter and sweet, sugary and tart. Just like you Leviticus 26:29”.
Now I’m not a religious person, but I feel secure in knowing that, in three days, pop tarts will rise from the Toasters Of The True Believers.
Capitol Police Civil Trial Against Trump Mpves Forward. I have to wonder–can Trump really afford to pay all his legal expenses from donations by mouth-breathers?:
A federal appeals court on Friday allowed a lawsuit brought by a group of U.S. Capitol Police officers against former President Donald Trump to move forward, ruling that Trump is not entitled to absolute immunity from civil lawsuits. The suit focuses on Trump’s alleged conduct surrounding the Jan. 6, 2021, assault on the U.S. Capitol.
The three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit based its decision on a ruling in a separate case brought by two Capitol Police officers and a group of House Democrats that was handed down earlier this month. In its Dec. 1 opinion, the D.C. Circuit rejected Trump’s claim that he is shielded from civil liability because his alleged actions in connection to the Jan. 6 attack fell within the official functions of the presidency.
In its unsigned opinion Friday, the three judges said the case before them is “indistinguishable” from the other dispute and said Trump’s argument that he has immunity “fails.”
“Take Armpits, Ketchup, a Butt and Makeup…Put That In a Blender And Bottle That As A Cologne.” Lest you were wondering, you’ve got Eau de Trump:
“That’s kind of that. I’ve been amazed that everybody is just kind of learning about this now,” Rep. Kinzinger added.
That statement has the musky aroma of verisimilitude to me.
Cloned Polo Ponies? All the rage in Argentina:
Her name was Dolfina Cuartetera.
She was a legend in Argentina’s polo Hall of Fame and winner of the most prestigious awards for horses in the sport. She was as fast as she was agile, as explosive as she was docile, a mare with the stamina and strength to outrun and outlast any other. As her owner, the world-renowned polo player Adolfo Cambiaso, put it: “She was genius; she was Messi, Maradona.”
She was a horse, of course. Her clones, bred for their polo-playing skills, are also horses, I guess:
What began as an effort to immortalize those champions has now become a massive, multimillion-dollar industry. Argentina’s new president, Javier Milei, who has four clones of his late dog, recently tapped a prominent cloning expert to head the country’s top public science agency.
The possibilities of this experiment — and its long-term risks — are yet to be fully understood.
But the extent to which this polo-obsessed nation has already fundamentally transformed the sport and the nature of horse breeding was evident on the field at the Argentine Open in Palermo in late November. As the players and the clones watched a video montage memorializing the late original champion mare, her name flashed across the screen.
“Dolfina Cuartetera,” it read. “3 February 2001 — ∞.”
Call me a Luddite, but I don’t like where this is heading.
That should be enough weirdness to start your day.
What do you want to talk about?
