If you want to dominate the headlines, it helps to be the defendant in four legal proceedings simultaneously. Luckily for Trump, the one serious crime he’s accused of, stealing top-secret documents, is the one that was paused indefinitely by MAGA judge Aileen Cannon. Meanwhile, the judge in his New York falsifying-business-records case – that’s what he’s accused of, the hush money payment is established fact – warned Trump’s lawyer to make his client stop “cursing audibly.” I’m so old I remember how people were scandalized hearing Nixon’s salty language on the Watergate tapes, and he never even had a porn star spank him with a rolled-up magazine.
House Speaker Mike Johnson is getting along well with Trump – why does every Republican politician meet with a guy who holds no office and no official place in their party? – and now we know what the price was. Johnson demanded the end of all Trump prosecutions and vowed to impede them – even the state-level ones – “in every possible way.” No word on whether he stamped his widdle footsies when he said it.
Remember, kidz, if you want to be successful in our dog-eat-dog entrepreneurial paradise, the key is private profits, public costs. Good example: Assisted living facilities increasingly won’t pick up residents who’ve fallen and can’t get up. They call 911 instead so they can’t get sued for injuries caused by undertrained minimum-wage workers.
Looking for an investment opportunity but want something less sketchy than cryptocurrency? Consider olive oil futures. As experts predicted, climate change has slashed the olive harvest again, so the price of olive oil is expected to soar. Given that counterfeiting olive oil was already a problem, you might want to stockpile a couple of gallons.
The floor’s yours.